An Addition to the family...NO! Not That.

It was a great weekend. I'm glad because since it was mostly just me and the kiddos, I was worried if I was going to be that entertaining. But, thanks to mother nature, I didn't have to be. Saturday was in the 60's! So, we were outside most of the afternoon and they still cried when it was time to go in for the day. It was amazing. Yesterday was sunny, but the wind made it a bit colder and not very plesant for taking the kids outside, but I still had a second day of all the windows open.

Now for the addition. After Dustin got back from paramedic refresher last night. We went and looked at a horse and brought him home for a trial. He's awesome. I had to go out to get him fed and such this morning and was nervous since my house experience is...NONE! But, I came in the barn and he ran right up to me. What a sweetheart.  Kids haven't met him yet. Better be sure he's going to work out before we tell them. So, there's the news from the weekend.

This week the plans are:
1)To make a new master farm list so we get a clear  picture of what needs to be done and prioritize it.
2) Take a load of stuff to good will. I have three bags ready to go.
3) Farm loan stuff.
4) Farm bill stuff.
5) make some meal plans for the next couple weeks. It seems to go better if I plan meals out instead of this panic at 11:30 thing.
6) Laundry, because it isn't a day without that on the list.

Oh, in completely unrelated to any of this news. Down another 1.4 pounds this week. I've now lost over 20 lbs, which is amazing to me. There's a long way to go, but 20 pounds, that's a great start.

Weekend Update and Should I get a "Real" Job?

I am a single parent for the second weekend in a row and I hate it! I have a great respect for people who have no choice and do this on a day in and day out basis. Especially since they are probably working full time and making it work as best they can and to do that without a partner is something I am not willing to try.
Dustin is at his paramedic refresher again this weekend, like last weekend. The kids are watching TV right now (sometimes mommy needs a two dimensional babysitter!) and I'm taking a blog break from cleaning up my office, especially cleaning up 2011 paperwork and receipts and I'm also shoveling Dustin's crap in a bin and he can deal with it. Did that sound bitter? It was.
I'm a bit protective of my office or as I prefer to think of, my playroom. It holds way more than I want it to already. I really should try to get this desktop moved to the shop and then figure out how I can get me a Mac. Hmmmm. I'll have to scheme on that later. The desktop is only a year old and needs to go in for some "technical issues" or stuff I've tried to fix, but for the life of me can't figure out. So, to the shop it will have to go. Eventually. I am having a hard time parting with it, even when it is annoying me. I do so much on the stupid thing, including payroll, which is why I'm most unwilling to give it up. If he can't get it back to me by the next pay period, I'll have to calculate...I shudder...with a calculator. Ugh. Nope, not for me.  I'd even have to write the check out by hand. Perish the thought. How did I become this spoiled? Is this really how pathetic my life has become? Bothered by doing my own payroll when there are people who would love to get a paycheck? Hmmmm. I have become quite a pathetic office manager for the family farm.
Today is beautiful! After Ella's nap and lunch, not sure which order those will happen in, the kids and I will venture outside into the mud. Usually snow still this time of year...but, not this year, there's some left, but not enough to do anything fun with it. our snowman we made has fallen over and the head fell on the ground and broke and Ian was very matter-a-fact about it. "Mom, snowman broken. He tipped over." No tears though, thank goodness. My tenderhearted boy gets a little bit hurt of the slightest things. Even a melting pile of snow...
I am hoping to also get some filing done, bills written, a church bulletin done (oops, that's for tomorrow) and of course, laundry, the primary focus of my existence as office manager of the farm.
Yesterday, I talked to Dustin about being home v. going back to work. I'm glad that I don't have to right now because I realize that right now, I have no desire to have a full time call. I'm not willing to sell my soul to save someone else right now. That sounds a bit cruel and heartless, I know, but I think it would be how it would transpire.
The kids are thriving, I love being a partner in the farming decisions, I love that I can have intellectual conversation about when we should sell and at what price and from time to time, I've sold it myself because we reached the goal price and Dustin wasn't home, so I called in and sold it anyway. I work full time, but I'm not ready to do it anywhere, but home. I enjoy teaching confirmation and preaching about once every two months. It keeps me interesting. I have started to find time to read again and not feel like an intellectual slug. I think I may begin reading some classics that I haven't read and should have or haven't read in a long time. Right now, I have been veracious in my reading appetite. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Trilogy, The Hunger Games Trilogy, The Help, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, (which I will right on more, sometime because I ended up loving this book that I picked out of a cheap bin somewhere. It was an interesting look at WWII occupation and the aftermath.) As well as some Jennifer Weiner, some new, some rereads, and various other books that don't involve rhyming.
I have gotten my share of that too, the kids are really into Dr. Seuss lately. The Foot Book is in heavy rotation as well as a few others and the "Spark" Bible from Augsburg Fortress, which has been great in teaching some basic bible stories to my kids. 
Life is too good to ruin it with a "job" especially since I'm loving my current vocation so much. My kids are amazing. They are also messy monsters, but that's a whole different category for another time. So while a call might come someday, it isnt' going to come soon, that's for sure. My call is being filled, just a different sort of congregation.
I hear the babysitting show is ending and it is getting quiet, that is never good.  Better get lunch ready.

Ella's growing up...and the clean house did freak out the kids!

I was right yesterday. Cleaning the house made the kids a bit nervous, especially looking for things they had left in the middle of the living room. But, not to fear, they have returned quite a bit of it with a vengence to get back at me and Ella made a huge mess in my kitchen.
My little sprite Ella turned 18 months yesterday. I'm not sure how this happened so quickly. It seems like yesterday when I was staring in one of the easiest textbook births with epidural in the supporting category.  And after Ian, I deserved it! 
When Ian was 18 months, I was already pregnant with Ella. I'm a bit relieved that as I type this, there is not another Lien on the way. I can handle two close together, but three seems like a stretch...Besides, they outnumber me already, I don't think I could keep up.
Yesterday for Ella's 18 months. She went to grandma's for the piano tuning and after we walked home. For over an hour. Ian, Ella and I first went to look at the calves in the pen. Which was a huge thrill for them, they are willing to come pretty close and that makes it all the better. Then we went to the shop to visit Daddy, where we proceeded to get dirty in less than 30 seconds, because they had to go to the only spot in teh shop where they could get grimy. After that, we walked to the house and got a slep and took a ride (I didn't I was the horse, of course). Then we made a snowman. Ella lost her shoe and got really cold and wet. I didn't really think we were going on an outside adventure when this all started, so they didn't have their snowsuits on. When it was time to go in, Ella was ready and as usual, Ian kicked and screamed for an hour, even after we came back in...But, it all was pretty fun except for that part.
Today, the adventure continues with a trip to the ND Winter Show and the winter show tractor pull. The whole family is going, which means, I'll entertain Ella, while daddy and ian enjoy loud tractors pulling heavy stuff.
More updates on the tractor pull tomorrow.  Ian's so excited, I'm sure this could be priceless. I also said he could have cotton candy, so we'll see.

Clean house and other ways to freak out the children!

The piano tuner came to work on the piano today, so I sent the kids to grandma's so they wouldn't try to "help" him. I stayed home and worked on cleaning up a bit of the house...I believe the kids may freak out that their toys are in their rooms and the house looks like maybe a few grown-ups live here too. I better not take too much time writing. I just have a little time sans kids, but I'll try to update you on their reaction to the house.  Shock or just a challenge to get it back to how they left it?

Sunday (Why I am Not at church and not sure how I should feel about it)

It's Sunday morning and while I would normally be going to church, today, the kids and I are staying home. Dustin has another day of Paramedic refresher and trying to figure out a way to get the kids and I to church when I'm on my own, seemed a hill that I wasn't ready to climb. Sadly, my week won't feel quite right now. Sunday morning worship seems to be my "reset" button on the week. On the other side of things, I can't exactly explain why with any clarity. I think the best explanation would be to say, the community ministers to my soul. Our pastor is a great storyteller, which makes for sermons that are very meaningful because you can find yourself in them, outside of them, and find God working through them. This is good, but if I'm truthful, I've only heard a handful of them since Ella was born. I've been to church, more Sunday's than not, but I'm also working on keeping two children occupied or quiet (hopefully both) and that seems to take up most of my attention.
And as hard as it is, I still seem to crave the time, we sing hymns, I hear scripture, I get little bits and pieces of word proclaimed when I can pay attention, but mostly, it is wonderful people that remind me I am loved and that God has created our family. The time in coffee hour is as much church to me as the hour before. I know part of it is because I don't get as much social interaction as when I worked. Adult conversation is like cool water when I've been in the desert of "ABC's" and "This little piggy."
Our pastor is always very gracious and laughs when I say, "I'm sure the sermon was great." He's been there, done that and knows where I'm living right now.
So, I'm a bit sad that I will miss communion today and the time in church. But, I'm also O.K. with the excuse...Today, "I just can't do it." The snow, the arrangement to get a vehicle arranged when Dustin took the 4 wheel drive, it was proving too much for my brain. Getting the kids ready by myself was going to be a miracle and it is one I am much more equipped to handle in good weather. So, I nestled into my excuses a bit too easily...This life of faith is never clean cut, that's for sure. On one side of things, I think I made the right decision to skip this morning. On the other side of things, I feel like I took the path of least resistance and I worry that it will become a bit too easy to fall into a pattern of, "I'm too busy, I've got so much to do, It's easier if we don't have to take the kids, etc. etc."  And the truth is, the kids look forward to going to church too and it won't get easier if we don't bring them and help then learn about the life we confess to believe and stuggle to live in every day, not just Sunday morning.
So, there's the morning. I'm a bit torn...Yet, I got some great snuggle time with my usually very busy daughter. Ian told me about the songs he likes that we sing. I also learned from him, "Mommy, popcorn is my favorite treat." So, we'll make popcorn later and I can't help but think, there's blessings at home too, but those are easy to miss too. 
Lord, I pray, today, help me find you in the little things...Help me hear your word in the things my children say, and give me patience and help them hear your love in the things I say to them. Give us a sabbath, no matter what the form. Amen.

First Post of 2012! IN MARCH! OOPS!

I've started writing so many times, but time really has been escaping me since the end of harvest. So much has happened and yet...not much at all. So, here are the highlights, or at least highlights to me...
Kids continue to grow and amaze and bless us. They are truly amazing. Yes, I know, I'm a bit biased.

I have lost about 18 lbs since Thanksgiving and think that is pretty good progress. I'm feel good and clothes are fitting better. I get frustrated because I sometimes wish it would happen overnight, but truthfully, for me to have a healthy life and achieve the health and life I want, I need to do this the right way.

I have a new vehicle, it's new to me. An Avalanche. With the move, it was going to be difficult to maintain driving a rearwheel drive Lincoln Towncar, go figure. We have been looking for most of the fall and winter and finally the right thing came along. Ironically, since we really didn't get snow until this last week, we could take our time and I had been able to drive the Lincoln. Last winter, it was parked for about 3 months. The winter has been crazy...such little snow and only one blizzard and it was not much of one, they kinda missed the mark. Yet, today, it's horrible out.

I did not EMT-Basic refresher last weekend. It gets long, but it's only once every two years. I learned quite a bit and reviewed some good things too. Dustin now is spending this weekend and next weekend at his Paramedic refresher and I think he has another class to get in too, but I'm not sure when at is scheduled for, but it must be soon.

I turned 36 in December. Which means I'm now closer to 40 than 30. This really doesn't bother me, but it did usher me into my first mamogram to get my baseline. Not has horrible as I thought it would be, but getting that friendly with the X-ray tech was interesting. She was very good at making me feel comfortable, which is really no small accomplishment.  Thankfully, all was good and I'm clear until 40. It made for a funny time at my EMT refresher. We were doing patient trama assessments and kindly, when I was a patient, my classmate asked if I was comfortable being touched, because let's face it, assessment is pretty personal. I said it was fine, but I appreciated him asking. He then said, he didn't know my well enough to just start assessing me. To which I responded, "I had my first mammogram last week, I have no modesty left!" It was pretty funny and did lighten the mood. I am also happy to report that I still am capable of doing a fairly competent patient assessment. Good news.

Ella turns 18 months on Monday. I'm not sure how that happened, but the time has flown. She is our climber and since she has no fear, I have used my patient assessment skills several times. It amazes me how she has managed to climb so quickly when I leave the room for 30 seconds to move laundry from the washer to the dryer. She can be sitting in front of the TV when I leave, perfectly content, and when I get back, on the counter and usually in the process of trying to get down and falling on her head. No Fear! She doesn't learn from these escapades, but she is awesome and talking more and more, but not very clearly. This could be delay, but since Ian can understand her often, I'm guessing it's because she has a translater in house.

Ian has become quite the conversationalist. Which really means, he never shuts up, but I love it. It's a very tenderhearted little boy, so it's an interesting combination with his little sister Rambo. He's been going through these fakey tantrums lately, they are starting to stop fairly quickly because we ignore them and probably a bit rudely, laugh. I hate to hurt his feelings, but sometimes it's just too funny.

Our new hired man started about 3 weeks ago. He's a great guy and it is going to make a huge difference this year. There is just more that we have to do on our own and my in-laws are not capable of helping like they use to help. We needed more help and the right help came along.

The biggest news is related to me, but not about me directly. My parents are moving from 3 hours away to 17 miles away! YAY! It has taken quite a few years to get to a place in which I would be excited about this, but it will be wonderful. My dad turned 80 last summer and they wanted to make sure they were leaving their farm on their terms and moving to a house that eventually they can live on one floor if needed. They found a great place. They close at the end of the month, they are busy packing and a real estate agent comes to look at their current place, this week, so they can work on selling it.

I have changed my background to tomatoes because the seed catalogs have arrived and I am excitedly going through them...I can't wait to get out to the garden and get my hands dirty. We have planned our farming acres, so that is exciting to have planned out and we have our seed purchased for the year, with the exception of a little wheat that we will put in so we have straw for cows. This year we will plant soybeans, corn and sunflowers. The cows will begin calving at the end of the month.  We have some beautiful steers we have held back for people for butchering, we'll take them to the butcher and will then be able to get people whole, halves or quarters of beef. We also have some nice heifers we are holding for replacements for cows. I try to get out with the steers and heifers to make friends, but I don't get out as much as I would like. I do enjoy the cattle more than I ever thought I would.

I feel like I've written a lot of paragraphs of nothing, but maybe something exciting will happen in 2012 and I'll have more to write about.  You'll get more about the crazy life on the Family Farm.

Harvest is over...Yet so much left to do and hopefully enjoy

I write this a few weeks after the last of corn harvest. It's almost strange that we were done so early. Amazing actually. The two previous years I have been combining on my birthday, which is DECEMBER 10! Not the best way to celebrate. Both times my husband lost track of time, so by the time anybody came back to the field with a truck or anything...It was too late to take me out for dinner. I think I got the shaft, that's for sure. This year better be better. Then again, Dustin's birthday is in October, so he always gets screwed because we are combing beans.
Anyway, now that the crop is in the elevator or in a bin, Dustin's busy working on the cow lot fence and hoping we can wean and work calves next week. We're a bit late, but the fence had to be dealt with before we brought them in from the pasture.
It seems that while snow has held off here, it's starting to grace the northern part of the state, so it's a matter of time and we need to get moving on those cows.
I need to start getting the tax stuff together for the pre-tax meeting, so we can see where we are at and where we are headed. I'm terribly behind on the bookwork. so it could take awhile. I think I may have to ask my mom and dad to take the kids for a few days after Thanksgiving so I can get it done. Of course, Dustin will try to get me to get me doing his projects, but I really am going to have to say NO and get the books together. I have everything, it's mostly organizing that must be dealt with.
I really wish that we could spend some family time together. I feel like every day we are running in different directions. I also am hoping that by Christmas I will be feeling more like my old self.
Tomorrow I go to the Dr. and hopefully get my anti depressants readjusted. I should have done this about 3 months ago. I think I thought I could handle things, that it was just a phase. Um, wrong. My depression does not seem to be controlled under my current med. I'm feeling very much like after Ian was born, not quite that bad, but close. I need help. I think I'll be trying to make a therapy appointment too.  On the good side, there's so much I want to enjoy and I haven't been emotionally able to, so it's time to get things going in the right direction again.
And there is so much to enjoy. Ian and Ella are such amazing kids. Harvest went well. Our new house has been amazing and moving down to the main farm has been a true blessing, not just for Dustin, the kids and I, but for his parents as well. We are where we need to be and are happy to be here.  The house is feeling comfortable and hopefully we will get to finish the painting soon. I'm having fun decorating, but am missing the motivation to finish. We have wonderful people working for us with the farm. This year was the year we had to add some help with the farming operation. With Dustin's dad being able to do less and aging, and with me in the house with the kids, most of the time, we needed it and we are happy that we will be able to keep it.
I'm hoping that dealing with my depression will also help me in my goals to live healthier. It seems that the depression has been roadblock in that journey, so I will talk to my Dr. about that too. I've found a great doctor and I trust her and I want to hear what she has to say.  So, that's where I'm at in the journey of life. I pray that I am able to find new peace and new motivation to be healthier for myself and my family.  Later...