Sunday, August 7, 2011

I'm home!

Greetings Everyone! (If any of you actually still read this?)

I'm back and even better, I'm home. I'm in my new home! There's still lots to do. The walls from moving still aren't all fixed, we have to wait for the manufacturer, but we have painted everything that is currently possible to paint.
We've hung up a few pictures, but there are many more that we haven't gotten homes for yet.  There's stuff that is still missing and I'm waiting to open a box and get surprised and excited because "I finally found (Insert item here)!" I'm also realizing that if I haven't noticed something is gone, in six months, I should just get rid of it. In moving, we are still bringing more to Goodwill and giving to friends. It's been a learning experience and also a bit liberating. We have moved into a house that is about 2 times as big as the one we were in and we don't want to fill it to the gills like the old one was. We are trying to as the questions, "1)Do I/we need it? 2) Do I/We love it?
It is interesting asking yourself those questions. I think I have been learning that I define myself by stuff, but that stuff is not who I am. I also realize that there is an interesting connection with how I feel inside and how I live with my things. I have felt so overwhelmed and chaotic inside and I think my home was reflecting that. It was chaotic, not comfortable, cluttered, filled with unimportant things or at least the unimportant things were blocking my view of the things I cherished.
I'm still feeling the chaos inside, but watching the house unpack and making an effort to not have chaos, also seems to make me feel calmer inside. I wonder if I keep on this path, will my life somehow be transformed?  If I organize the outside, will my inside follow? I think Dustin made me realize something the other day. We had someone coming out, so we both got up and picked up and cleaned house. When it was done, it felt wonderful. After the company left, in a few minutes, we had the house picked up again and Dustin asked me, "Why don't we think we deserve this all the time?" I didn't have an answer. Why didn't we deserve to live in less chaos? Why don't we deserve to always be able to throw a quick meal together and sit at the dining room table? Why don't we deserve to enjoy our surroundings that we live in all the time? We realized, we do deserve it and it really didn't take that long when we both chipped in and I've been able to keep it up fairly well. I take 15 minutes a day to either vaccuum, dust, clean a counter, go through a box and put it away. Dustin comes home and he does a quick pass picking up odds and ends or throws in a load of laundry. It's been amazing to me and we are more calm. I can even more effectively teach the kids to pick up or every morning, Ian and I make his bed together after he's dressed for the day.
 Has God blessed with me with a resurrection of a smaller type in my life? I have been acutely aware of death and resurrection lately and looking for hope in the darkest of times. In the midst of what I have been struggling with, I've been able to say, "Wait, you believe in a God of new life, this is not hopeless, you are not hopeless."
I know that a messy house is really nothing when there are people really suffering with illness and death. I'm not trying to lessen the glory and wonder and awe of what God has done through his son.  But I also realize lately, whether it is dealing with a family illness or even little things like dusting, it can be used to drag us down back into the ways of the Old Adam and the Old Eve instead of the children of new life that we are.
When I let self criticism of "You'll never be good enough?" "You'll never have this place good enough?" "What will people think of you?"  When all those voices come in, that's not the voice of God, that's not the voice of a redeemed person. We need those little resurrections...Those daily reminders that we are children of God and blessed and the cross is all we need.
So, these little things that have been wearing down on me and my family, and a few of the bigger things that I am not comfortable sharing with the world wide web. These things do not have the final say.
So, there's what I learned about Jesus after I got the house cleaned. Go figure?
Until next time...When I post moving pictures of the house.