Thursday, July 29, 2010

Last days! For so many things.

Tomorrow is my last day at the interim call. I've pretty much packed up everything. Some boxes will go in the car tonite, some tomorrow. I'd like most of it home before Sunday.  This has been a great place to be for the last months.

Today I also had an OB appointment. I'm realizing how close we are getting to the next baby being here. Just a little over a month away!
I want to concentrate on being here in my last couple days, but I'm having a hard time not thinking about the next weeks. My last days with Ian as an only child. My last weeks of pregnancy and baby kicks inside. My last days of trying to get everything ready and trying not to panic.
I feel like the ending at church is just  a precursor to the beginning of the rest of things and those are really what I'm most intent on right now.  I've had more fun being at home lately...I almost mourned coming into work this week because I wanted to stay at home and get things done and play with Ian.

I worry how I'll do being a SAHM this time. I think I've put a lot more safeties for myself in place. The need to get out. The support system I have this time is better. I also know what to expect and those around me do too, so I'm hoping we are going to be able to watch me more closely before I spin out of control like the postpartum last time.

I noticed that I also talespinned again this summer, and while I pulled out of it. Dustin was talking about being nervous shortly after because it was the same time the year before that I had completely fallen apart and he was worrying about me.  He didn't know how I had been feeling, but to realize that maybe there is a cyclical pattern in the year was a real revelation for me.

So, I'm hoping that these last days are going to be everything I want them to be. I also realize that I need to be realistic. I think I set myself up with ideas and then sent myself up for falls when thing don't go as I expect.

So, think of me on my last days...whatever days you are thinking about.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Packing up!

I've entered my last two weeks at my interim call and 6 days left of being at the office or church. I started the process of packing up the office today.   It feels weird and good, all in the same breath. I didn't realize that as much stuff migrated here, but apparently, I now have more than just the crate I brought for the first day.
I've been cleaning out the desk. Leaving what was there, sorting out what is mine. Recycling office things that were probably only helpful to me at the time, now, things have moved forward.

I'm probably going to take a few things off the walls now too. That way I can see how many more boxes I'll need to get the stuff boxed up.
I'm not sure where this stuff is going to go when I bring it home. Not a clue. Some of the books will go in my shelves at home. The pictures, I'll find homes for them. Some stuff. I'm not sure.
I know it must be time. Every morning, I've been waking up and longing to stay with Ian and spend the morning with him and get back to the routine that we usually have when I'm home.
I look at the house and see all the things that it would be nice to have done and ready by the time the baby gets here.
I think of the meals that I want to get in the freezer, then we'll have a couple weeks of food that takes minimal preparation.
I see packing here, packing and unpacking at home...
A new chapter is beginning. I can't wait.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

It's official...I'm an idiot (Hopefully this is only pregnancy brain)

I have entered a new level of stupid this week.
It could be because I was supposed to have a few days off and instead had a prayer service, a funeral and everything that goes along with those events.
It could be that I haven't been sleeping very well and have finally been able to catch up a little bit in the last couple days since the heat subsided.
It could be that I have always been this much of an idiot (No, I'm pretty sure that I was intelligent once upon a time)

Most likely.  Hormones surging through my brain have decided that they are going to take up those brain cells for awhile and if I'm lucky. They will return them some time after the baby is born.

Focusing seems to be my biggest dilema. I have lists to keep me somewhat on track, but for the most part...I just can't focus. I'm having trouble prioritizing too.

This is my last day of work this week, mostly because I didn't get Monday off like was planned. So, I need a day at home...I need to pick up our life again!

On the way to work. I kept freaking out because I'd look in back for Ian and he wasn't in his car seat.  I left him with grandma. SO I COULD COME TO WORK!

I'm having trouble remembering things and I have asked people a lot of questions...twice. Unfortunately, quite a few of them have been stupid questions.  Stupid because they are obvious answers that I already have access too or know already from the previous week.

So, I guess I will keep waiting for intelligence to return.  Until then. I appologize for asking you the same thing three times. I'm sorry you have to explain the most basic information 100 times.  I regret that I didn't remember that you had already made a request of me and I forgot in 10 minutes.  I am counting on this getting better in about 10 weeks.