Last days! For so many things.

Tomorrow is my last day at the interim call. I've pretty much packed up everything. Some boxes will go in the car tonite, some tomorrow. I'd like most of it home before Sunday.  This has been a great place to be for the last months.

Today I also had an OB appointment. I'm realizing how close we are getting to the next baby being here. Just a little over a month away!
I want to concentrate on being here in my last couple days, but I'm having a hard time not thinking about the next weeks. My last days with Ian as an only child. My last weeks of pregnancy and baby kicks inside. My last days of trying to get everything ready and trying not to panic.
I feel like the ending at church is just  a precursor to the beginning of the rest of things and those are really what I'm most intent on right now.  I've had more fun being at home lately...I almost mourned coming into work this week because I wanted to stay at home and get things done and play with Ian.

I worry how I'll do being a SAHM this time. I think I've put a lot more safeties for myself in place. The need to get out. The support system I have this time is better. I also know what to expect and those around me do too, so I'm hoping we are going to be able to watch me more closely before I spin out of control like the postpartum last time.

I noticed that I also talespinned again this summer, and while I pulled out of it. Dustin was talking about being nervous shortly after because it was the same time the year before that I had completely fallen apart and he was worrying about me.  He didn't know how I had been feeling, but to realize that maybe there is a cyclical pattern in the year was a real revelation for me.

So, I'm hoping that these last days are going to be everything I want them to be. I also realize that I need to be realistic. I think I set myself up with ideas and then sent myself up for falls when thing don't go as I expect.

So, think of me on my last days...whatever days you are thinking about.