I write this a few weeks after the last of corn harvest. It's almost strange that we were done so early. Amazing actually. The two previous years I have been combining on my birthday, which is DECEMBER 10! Not the best way to celebrate. Both times my husband lost track of time, so by the time anybody came back to the field with a truck or anything...It was too late to take me out for dinner. I think I got the shaft, that's for sure. This year better be better. Then again, Dustin's birthday is in October, so he always gets screwed because we are combing beans.
Anyway, now that the crop is in the elevator or in a bin, Dustin's busy working on the cow lot fence and hoping we can wean and work calves next week. We're a bit late, but the fence had to be dealt with before we brought them in from the pasture.
It seems that while snow has held off here, it's starting to grace the northern part of the state, so it's a matter of time and we need to get moving on those cows.
I need to start getting the tax stuff together for the pre-tax meeting, so we can see where we are at and where we are headed. I'm terribly behind on the bookwork. so it could take awhile. I think I may have to ask my mom and dad to take the kids for a few days after Thanksgiving so I can get it done. Of course, Dustin will try to get me to get me doing his projects, but I really am going to have to say NO and get the books together. I have everything, it's mostly organizing that must be dealt with.
I really wish that we could spend some family time together. I feel like every day we are running in different directions. I also am hoping that by Christmas I will be feeling more like my old self.
Tomorrow I go to the Dr. and hopefully get my anti depressants readjusted. I should have done this about 3 months ago. I think I thought I could handle things, that it was just a phase. Um, wrong. My depression does not seem to be controlled under my current med. I'm feeling very much like after Ian was born, not quite that bad, but close. I need help. I think I'll be trying to make a therapy appointment too. On the good side, there's so much I want to enjoy and I haven't been emotionally able to, so it's time to get things going in the right direction again.
And there is so much to enjoy. Ian and Ella are such amazing kids. Harvest went well. Our new house has been amazing and moving down to the main farm has been a true blessing, not just for Dustin, the kids and I, but for his parents as well. We are where we need to be and are happy to be here. The house is feeling comfortable and hopefully we will get to finish the painting soon. I'm having fun decorating, but am missing the motivation to finish. We have wonderful people working for us with the farm. This year was the year we had to add some help with the farming operation. With Dustin's dad being able to do less and aging, and with me in the house with the kids, most of the time, we needed it and we are happy that we will be able to keep it.
I'm hoping that dealing with my depression will also help me in my goals to live healthier. It seems that the depression has been roadblock in that journey, so I will talk to my Dr. about that too. I've found a great doctor and I trust her and I want to hear what she has to say. So, that's where I'm at in the journey of life. I pray that I am able to find new peace and new motivation to be healthier for myself and my family. Later...
