Identity.

I have been struggling with identity lately. Mine. I preached two times this week. A Sunday service and a Wednesday night one. It was fun. I enjoyed putting a sermon together. I preach again this Sunday at our church. Our pastor is out of town. I will also preside over communion, something I have not done in a very long time.
I have really enjoyed this.
I was at one of my old congregations for a celebration anniversary service a couple weeks ago. On the way home, Dustin asked me how I felt about it. If I had made a mistake, had regrets?
I was almost relieved to say, I left when I was supposed to. I loved the people, still do. It was great to see them. But, my call there was done. I knew it in my guts, but was unsure how to express that then. I was doing the right thing.
Now, I wonder if there is another ministry adventure out there for me.
I really don't completely know who I am right now. Pastor. that doesn't seem quite right, fully, I'm not in a call. But that is really what I see as what I do, but I don't "do" that anymore, so what is next.
Farmer/farm wife. I do the stuff, but I don't think I have ever fit the role, I don't know if I ever will completely. In some ways, I see it clearly, I can combine, dig, etc. etc. I have helped pull calves.
Mom. I feel good about this. I'm amazed at this job. I also see that I don't quite know what else to do. I feel like some of my time and talents aren't being used. I'm trapped between my old career and my new life. I love it, but I also am left asking questions of what else is there. I also know that I have a huge gift given to me staying home with Ian. I read to him. I am teaching him his prayers. I can't help but think that what I do now will effect his learning and life later.
I realize I also putting a lot of my identity in what I do. I wish I new other ways of measuring myself.
I am who I am, but I don't quite know who that is anymore.
hmmmmmmmm