Ian's First Tractor Ride and A First for me too!

I brought Ian in the tractor today. His carseat fit perfect! This included a first for me as well. I learned how to run the digger. I dug a field behind our house. I made a full three rounds before the rain drove us out.
Then, we had to wait until the rain lightened up and Dustin could come rescue us. I couldn't get Ian out by myself with the rain pouring like it was.
More fun. My cousin LeAnn came down with her family. They came down to visit Sean and then all of them came to meet Ian.
Dustin and I had a pretty heavy discussion through most of the rest of the afternoon and early evening. I think we got what we needed to work through, worked through. I feel better, I think he does too.
Nels and Harriet came over for supper. It was nice.
Now. Dustin and I cuddled on the couch. Ian is sleeping. It's good. Very Good. I'm glad the day ended the way it did.

I love the sound of music! timeless

I got this link from Saramoe and enjoyed it immensely. I watched it twice. As a child I loved "The Sound of Music" and I still do.
This is just fun!

Today. My baby boy ian is six weeks old. Pictures later.

Farm Pictures for Colin

Moo Cow Moo. A Poem from Dustin's Childhood

MOO COW MOO
Edmund Vance Cooke

My papa held me up to the Moo Cow Moo

So close I could almost touch,

And I fed him a couple of times or so,

And I wasn't a fraid-cat, much.

But if my papa goes in the house,

And my mamma she goes in too,

I keep still like a little mouse

For the Moo Cow Moo might Moo.

The Moo Cow's tail is a piece of rope

All raveled out where it grows;

And it's just like feeling a piece of soap

All over the Moo Cow's nose.

And the Moo Cow Moo has lots of fun

Just switching his tail about,

But if he opens his mouth,why then I run,

For that's where the Moo comes out.

The Moo Cow Moo has deers on his head,

And his eyes stick out of their place,

And the nose of the Moo Cow Moo is spread

All over the Moo Cow's face.

And his feet are nothing but fingernails,

And his mamma don't keep them cut,

And he gives folks milk in water pails,

When he don't keep his handles shut.

But if you or I pull his handles,

why The Moo Cow Moo says it hurts,

But the hired man sits down close by

And squirts, and squirts, and squirts.

Thank you's on a cold day.

I am trying to get baby gift thank you's written today. It's freezing outside, so much different than it was the other day. I was hoping to have another day like yesterday so i could take Ian outside and enjoy some fresh air. Toooo cold.
I think I want to do some baking later. I made fabulous rhubarb bars for church on Sunday and there were hardly any left. So, I think I should make another batch. They really were incredible. I will use what is left of my frozen rhubarb and I should have enough fresh to finish them.
I might not get those done if I take my nap. I love my nap.
Here's to another good day.

1 month, 5 weeks

I didnt' have my cord to download my camera, so it took awhile to get these posted.
There are Ian at 1 month and 5 weeks.
His overalls are a bit bit yet, but Ian has already grown out of a few things. I'm hoping to get the last picture of him in his "Daddy's Champ" sleeper. His starting to stretch out of it, but I need to get one last look at him in it. It was my favorite of his newborn clothes. He has grown out of his newborn clothes completely now, except for one shirt that appears to run big.
He has also now grown into size one diapers.

One Month Old

Five Weeks

Don't I look like a grown-up in my striped shirt? I'm getting to be such a big boy!

Me and my daddy.

All this growing is hard work. I need a break.

So, here are the updated pics. Gotta love this sweet baby boy!

Plan of attack.

The postpartum really has been hard to deal with because I tried to get help, but didnt' really get the help I wanted. Hmmmm.
I went to the OB because I had to check on some healing issues anyway. I told him about my postpartum. Now, I had a friend that also went through this and he was her doctor. He was absolutely wonderful.
Not so much with me. He said that I needed sleep. That is true. But, he prescribed me a sleeping pill and said, Dustin would have to be in charge of the baby for the night, I was to sleep.
Now, I don't mind Dustin taking care of the baby, he does that, but I am a little bothered about taking a heavy duty sleeping pill. Dustin was even surprised it was such a strong one. I'm not comfortable with it. When I was at the doctor, I just didn't really have it in me to question, not until after. I have no idea how hard this thing is going to hit me and for how long I'll be groggy.
With my history of depression, I wanted to go from my maintenance dose of my antidepressant and go back to my full dose. It has worked really well for me in the past.
So, Dustin and I have been taking turns with Ian, which wasn't a huge change. He'll take him the whole night if I need the extra sleep and ask. I have not taken the pill yet, I am too uncomfortable.
Getting out of the house yesterday was also a big help. Even with Ian with, just getting out was wonderful. So, at least once a week, I am going to town or to a friends, just to not look at the same walls anymore.
I also am making an appointment with my primary care physician. She would have been my doctor during my pregnancy if the hospital in Valley City hadn't stopped delivery. I feel like she knows me and my history better. I have to get my 6 week after check up, so I think I will go to her for it.
I feel like I have made some progress in figuring things out. dustin is supportive of whatever I want and need to do.
I'll get more sleep until the end of next week when I have my appointment with her.
I'll just feel better talking to my primary doctor.
Dustin is also getting me the best therapy he can buy for me. A cut, color and pedicure and it will be Ian free. I can't wait.
A better mommy is on the way.

Post Partum Depression

I have been struggling with postpartum depression. I have struggled with depression for years, so we actually saw this coming while I was pregnant. I went to the doctor today. He wants me first to get sleep. Now, I just need to figure out how I'm going to get it?

It's raining, it's pouring!

It was a beautiful start to the day.
Got up early. Ran to town. I bought a bunch of groceries, then I came home.
My cousin Sean came out today, he's starting to work for us today, part time for the summer. Dustin got called to run a transfer, so Sean worked on the blockage monitor for the air seeder. I have been doing little stuff, nothing incredible, other than a nice sit down with Ian, just rocking my sleeping little angel. It was great.
It started to pour rain in the afternoon, so Sean took off.
I made pork chops on the grill for the two of us. I put some beef short ribs in the crock pot for tonight that Dustin and I will have. I have to cut up carrots for dinner yet.
Dustin is on his way home, but I won't get those on until he gets home.
I did some bill paying that needed to be done. Played on the internet. Did some laundry.
So, rainy day, but I really enjoyed it.
Can't find my cord to download the 1 month picture, so, I'll try tomorrow.
Later

Ian is 1 month old and It's Mother's Day (Did I mention, Dustin forgot)

I am having a hard time today. Dustin forgot my first Mother's Day. I'm getting better, but I am still heart broken. I have been talking about how this was going to be my first Mother's Day for weeks. I had him look at the cards for our own moms. I talked about his first Father's day coming.
He forgot.
He worked over night last night and got to sleep all night. Of that I am extremely jealous. He may have gotten a get out of jail free card if he had been running calls all night.
He got home. Nothing said. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Handed him Ian to feed and went to take my shower. I got back upstairs. I assumed that he would change and get Ian ready for church while I was in the shower. I was wrong, so I had to get both Ian and I ready for church. As I was getting Ian dressed, I just broke down. He asked me what was wrong, to which I responed. "Do not tell me you forgot what day it was?"
By then, it was too late and no way of fixing it. He wanted to, but I didn't want a gift, I just wanted a "Happy Mother's Day." To be remembered. I was forgotten. He would have gone anywhere for dinner, done anything. But then, it would have been him trying to make up for forgetting Mother's Day. It can't.
I'm hurt...I've forgiven him. I've tried to stop punishing him with snide comments... But really. I'm heartbroken and it will take me a long time to get past it. And really. It is one of those things I will never forget. Because I feel like I was completely forgotten.
It's my first Mother's Day. Everyone remembered, except the person I needed to remember most.
On the brighter side of the day. Because really, I needed a bright side.
Ian is one month old today. I will post the picture as soon as I get it. Everyone needs to see my adorable boy.

Week Three!

Today Ian is 3 weeks old! I can't believe it. Our little guy has changed so much already.
The top picture is the day we brought Ian home. He was 3 days old on Easter Sunday.
The bottom picture is Ian's 3 week picture. He's bigger and his eyes are brighter. The outfit he's wearing in the first picture is starting to fit him better.
Today, I opened a savings account for Ian. We have gotten several cash gifts, so I put those in the bank for him today. It was quite fun. Mostly because our friend Sue works at the bank and set the account up for him, so we had a great visit.

The last three weeks have been filled with so many firsts and I have learned so much in the last weeks. It's ab

1. I can do a lot on very little sleep.
2. I can feed Ian in the middle of the night or change a diaper and go back to bed and fall to sleep in seconds.
3. Ian fascinates me and gives me incredible joy every day and I can't believe that one little person can fill me with such wonder and thankfulness.
4. I have a renewed sense of faith in the God of life who created adn redeemed me.

I knew everything would change when Ian was born. It has and that wasn't a surprise. I just didn't think it was possible to be so happy about just watching a baby sleep. I didn't realize that I would be okay with my life being completely turned upside down. I don't get anything done any more, but what I do in a day is complete joy.

I cant' even begin to imagine what the next three weeks will bring. What will three years look like? I have no idea and I truthfully don't want to think about it, I just want to enjoy the here and now. It's to amazing not to enjoy.

Ian, I love you. You are absolutely amazing and I can't wait to see how much you change and grow.