It's Sunday morning and while I would normally be going to church, today, the kids and I are staying home. Dustin has another day of Paramedic refresher and trying to figure out a way to get the kids and I to church when I'm on my own, seemed a hill that I wasn't ready to climb. Sadly, my week won't feel quite right now. Sunday morning worship seems to be my "reset" button on the week. On the other side of things, I can't exactly explain why with any clarity. I think the best explanation would be to say, the community ministers to my soul. Our pastor is a great storyteller, which makes for sermons that are very meaningful because you can find yourself in them, outside of them, and find God working through them. This is good, but if I'm truthful, I've only heard a handful of them since Ella was born. I've been to church, more Sunday's than not, but I'm also working on keeping two children occupied or quiet (hopefully both) and that seems to take up most of my attention.
And as hard as it is, I still seem to crave the time, we sing hymns, I hear scripture, I get little bits and pieces of word proclaimed when I can pay attention, but mostly, it is wonderful people that remind me I am loved and that God has created our family. The time in coffee hour is as much church to me as the hour before. I know part of it is because I don't get as much social interaction as when I worked. Adult conversation is like cool water when I've been in the desert of "ABC's" and "This little piggy."
Our pastor is always very gracious and laughs when I say, "I'm sure the sermon was great." He's been there, done that and knows where I'm living right now.
So, I'm a bit sad that I will miss communion today and the time in church. But, I'm also O.K. with the excuse...Today, "I just can't do it." The snow, the arrangement to get a vehicle arranged when Dustin took the 4 wheel drive, it was proving too much for my brain. Getting the kids ready by myself was going to be a miracle and it is one I am much more equipped to handle in good weather. So, I nestled into my excuses a bit too easily...This life of faith is never clean cut, that's for sure. On one side of things, I think I made the right decision to skip this morning. On the other side of things, I feel like I took the path of least resistance and I worry that it will become a bit too easy to fall into a pattern of, "I'm too busy, I've got so much to do, It's easier if we don't have to take the kids, etc. etc." And the truth is, the kids look forward to going to church too and it won't get easier if we don't bring them and help then learn about the life we confess to believe and stuggle to live in every day, not just Sunday morning.
So, there's the morning. I'm a bit torn...Yet, I got some great snuggle time with my usually very busy daughter. Ian told me about the songs he likes that we sing. I also learned from him, "Mommy, popcorn is my favorite treat." So, we'll make popcorn later and I can't help but think, there's blessings at home too, but those are easy to miss too.
Lord, I pray, today, help me find you in the little things...Help me hear your word in the things my children say, and give me patience and help them hear your love in the things I say to them. Give us a sabbath, no matter what the form. Amen.
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