111 days until my due date! And a day to myself!

I am now approximately 111 days away from having the baby. This is very exciting!
To answer Carol Aimee's question. YES! I am about to explode with curiosity about the gender of the baby.
The ultrasound is January 7th. If we don't find out, I think I will resign myself to picking everything gender neutral. This shouldn't be a problem. The baby crib set I picked out can be made to go either way, depending on accessories. I haven't ordered it yet, but I will soon.
We have to make a trip to Fargo soon. Menard's has a sale on insulation and we need to get a move on the room upstairs.
Today, with my day to myself. I am actually working on various house cleaning and catch up stuff. I know, not very interesting, but interesting to me. I'm pretty relaxed with it. Laundry really needs to be done.
I am currently cleaning up the desk in the office. It isn't organized, but in appropriate piles at least. I have so much bookwork to do for 2008 that I need to start and the only way to do that is to get this organized enough to be able to spend time in the office. I use to have a TV in here, I miss it, it helped the process. I didn't get so stir crazy. I may have to move a TV in here and hook up the DVD player, that would help.
Also, I have gotten a few last cards ready to mail. I received a few cards from people who's addresses I had misplaced or people who had moved, I decided since we still are in Christmas (day 4) I am allowed to still send them. I have until Epiphany, Jan 6.
I really wish we could get out to the grainery easily, there is tons of stuff that could go in storage, which would make me feel really good.
We are going on two weeks with the puppy this Wednesday. We have had two good days of housebreaking. Today, those two days came to a screeching halt. She just isn't putting it together today, but we'll get there.
Molly and Gracie (the new puppy) are starting to play, which is good for both of them and very fun to watch. Gracie is very much a biting puppy and that is the hardest part to deal with because we don't know how to break her of it. She's just a puppy, but her teeth are sharp and she has very powerful jaws that will only get stronger.
I was thinking earlier today about pregnancy. I am not one who loves it, who says they have never felt better. I also am not one who is completely miserable. I just am kinda here. I am excited and fascinated by what happens to my body, but really, it seems that day after day goes on and will continue.
Well, the puppy is awake, so I better get to watching her.

23 weeks, 6 days!

I haven't written forever. Christmas and a bunch of life just didn't make it possible. I brought Dustin into the ER on Christmas Eve. He got the stomach flu and was getting so dehydrated that we needed to get some fluids and some anti nausea meds in him. Have no fear, I am doing fine and appeared to have dodged the bullet. I am giving credit to the prenatal vitamins (these things rock, I don't know if I have ever felt this good) and an extra couple doses of Vitamin C.
Dustin was better by Christmas day night, which allowed us to go to family Christmas. I really missed church though. Dustin was supposed to play, luckily the church was able to find someone.
It was a mess. Dustin and I were also supposed to host his parents and mine on Christmas Eve and they were left celebrating together without us. We were so excited and I still trying to get rid of the extra food.
I will not find out what the baby is until Jan 7. My appointment was postponed because of the holiday, so we'll find out in a week or so.
Soon though, very soon.
Have a great day everyone.
Lucinda

Packing up! Cleaning Up!

I have one major thing on my list and when Dustin gets home we should be almost ready to go. We are going to my mom and dad's today. Dustin had a meeting this morning, so he'll be home some time after dinner. After that, a few loose ends and off we go.
I went and got new tires on the truck and an oil change, so we are ready to head out, other than cleaning out the truck.
I paid bills this morning. I have one final load of laundry in the dryer.
I made the bed.
I watched some tv.
I am feeling pretty good about my productivity.

I think I may be starting the "nesting" phase of pregnancy. In the last two days I have been on a mission to get the house cleaned up.
I would look at baby proofing stuff too, but Dustin would freak out because I was doing it so early, so baby steps for him.
I announced to him the other day that I had picked out an infant car seat. He was less than interested.
Truthfully. He wants this stuff done, researched, etc. etc. He doesn't want to be the one to do it, so, I will do it happily and he can catch up when he panics that we are having a child and he's not ready.
I think that will set in as he begins to get working on the attic again. We need insulation, drywall, have I ever mentioned that we need to get a stairwell in. The stairwell better come soon because I will not be able to do the ladder stairs much longer (my balance may be getting a bit shaky).
I am trying to decide of the pain in my upper right quadrant of my abdomen is the baby hitting or kicking of something. It is kinda sporadic, It is in just the right spot to be uncomfortable. It happens when I sit down.
I've been fascinated by the hard spot in my abdomen. It's the baby of course, but while I don't notice the movement all the time. I do notice how the hard spot moves, I'm assuming it depends on the acrobatics of the baby at any given time. But there really is someone in there. Hmmmm.
Less than 10 days now and we get to find out what it is. Hopefully. Baby has not been cooperative in this research, we're hoping.

22 weeks, 0 days

I know it has been awhile, but alas it could not be helped. My birthday ended up kinda sucking. I didn't get dinner, as was promised. Someone (my husband) lost track of time and by the time he was ready to think about it, it was 8:30, I wasn't showered, I was tired, I was crabby, and I was too tired to wait to get to town.
I had a complete meltdown over it. Dustin felt horrible. It wasn't good.
This corn harvest really has put dampers on every plan I have tried to make as of late. We are still not done and I fear with the current blizzard, we may be done until spring.
I have no idea how we are going to harvest, plant and have a baby this spring, but things will work out.
The blizzard is still here full force it seems. We came home yesterday afternoon at about 4:30 from Dustin's mom and dad's. We haven't left since and won't until maybe some time tomorrow.
The interstate is closed. Windchill is 60 below zero. Yes, I said below. The weather channel is in fargo and talking about the 35 below wind chill. Hello, if the interstate wasn't closed you could come 90 miles west and find out it gets colder. Crazy.
I am going to clean up the office today. After the movie that I want to watch is over. I am not going to get any more bookwork done before Christmas, so I might as well organize it and enjoy the holidays without having to look at the disastrous mess.
Dustin is taking advantage of not being able to go anywhere and is still in bed. Lazybones. This never happens, so I really can't blame him, it's not like we can go anywhere.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I got a call last night at 11:53 p.m. Good thing I wasn't asleep yet. My cousin Sean (he's a freshman at a local college wanted to be the first one to wish me a Happy Birthday. So, he called before so he could do it at midnight. What a great kid. We had a good talk. How funny.

Expectations vs. No Expectations

I am being a bit of a baby right now.
Cookie baking today was an absolute blast.
Dustin kinda made life sting. Our dinner plans, if you read my previous post, were changed. So, we didn't have a dinner at home. We instead were to go to the grill.
When I got to Jmst, there was a transfer, so he had to work 1st. Now, I know this happens, but I probably wouldn't have gone in if I knew this. Instead of a birthday dinner at a great restaurant, I got a sandwich at Perkins with Dustin and his partner for the night.

Now, if I had no expectation on the day, I wouldn't be disappointed. I know he can't help having to work. Not his fault. I just hate feeling like I am an afterthought. I really don't know if I get a birthday outing any more. Tomorrow we'll combine corn, I'm sure all day if we can. It will be a non-birthday.

Why do I always set myself up this way? I get excited about something...then disappointed. This seems to happen on my birthday every year. I have thoughts that it is going to be wonderful...it ends up just another day...no big deal.
I know I am going to be 33 years old and that birthdays really shouldn't matter anymore, but for me, I guess they still do. Sometimes you want to be made a big deal out of, well at least I do.

I guess my thought is that if I didn't have expectations of what was supposed to happen, I wouldn't have been disappointed. I probably would have enjoyed my sandwich and not thought twice. The fact that I was told I was going to get a lot more and that I got "downgraded" is what is bothering.

So, is it better to know what you are missing or not?

20 weeks, 2 days

I am finishing the Christmas decorating today, with the exception of the cookies. dustin was going to try to surprise me with birthday dinner tonight, but he got stuck working. Tomorrow, I turn 33 and I will most likely be in a combine.
To get me out of the house, so he could make a wonderful dinner for the two of us to celebrate my birthday, he arranged for a neighbor to have me over for a cookie baking party. So, even though he got stuck working, we are still baking cookies, it will be a blast.
Since Dustin is on second call, if he isn't busy I will go to Jamestown and he will take me out to eat at the Buffalo City Grille, YUM! I love that place. So, that will most likely be my birthday celebration.
Cookie baking is at 2:00 PM. So, after that, I'll come home, get dressed up, go to town.
It has been fun cleaning up the house and getting the Christmas stuff finalized and out so I can put the boxes away. The house should look cozy by tomorrow.
Baby is really picky the last couple days. Food has been a battle. I tried to eat some fish yesterday and it tasted fishy, so I didn't eat it. I ordered nachos last night, (usually a food I love and they don't even give me heartburn) and I hardly ate any of them. Just blah.
I have eaten fruit and multi grain cheerios quite a few times since yesterday. Those have gone down very well. So, I got a box of clementines. (love them), pears, apples, bananas. All very good. I've eaten two pears already, so they won't last long.
I really haven't had a lot of food aversions lately, so it's kinda crazy to have one show up. I just taste food more clearly, smell things more strongly. All my senses seem to be on overdrive. I feel like superwoman. A very fat, pregnant superwoman.

21 weeks, 0 days

I realize I didn't post yesterday, but I was exhausted and didn't want to. It was a horrible day as far as getting any corn done and the baby was very inactive.
It's back today.
Today, we skipped church! Can I just say how blissful this is once in awhile. I usually like to go, but this morning. I didn't want to, I wanted to stay in bed, so did Dustin, so we slept in and had a nice morning at home. I loved it. The animals loved the extra attention. I got up, made coffee (decaf for me). Had yogurt and fruit and toast, it was the perfect morning.
I am having printer issues tonight, so I am trying to get Dustin's computer to load on the printer, so I can print off my gingerbread barn template.
Can't just make a house, no sir ree. I want to make a barn, and I am going to. Tonight, I will just back the walls and roof. We'll put it together tomorrow night.
I was hoping to have it in the ovent forever ago, but getting the template printed has been a challenge, I'm very frustrated, but we'll get there.
It will be a late night, but not a big deal. tomorrow we are hoping to get some more corn off.
This week...I turn 33. I have not decided how I feel about this. I feel a little weird about it, but usually I don't care about the birthday, I like to celebrate them. Dustin says he has something planned, so we'll see what it is. Back to my baking.
later

20 Weeks, 5 days--calves and mad mommies!

Today we sorted calves from their cows. The cows were not happy and neither were the calves. We got the calves off the cows and then sorted the calves into their groups. Heifers and bulls. The bulls will go to my bro-in-law's feedlot. The heifers we kepts, will stay here and will become replacement heifers and eventually cows...The circle of life.
I was a bit nervous being in the cow lots. This is probably not considered the safest pregnancy activity. But have no fear. I was given very boring jobs that I couldn't get hurt doing. I also let some animals get past me rather than risk getting too close to them. The risk of getting kicked was going to be kept very low.
Sorting went better than I thought it would. Better than all of us thought it would.
In pregnancy news. (Other than my cow chase workout)
I felt the baby kick. On the outside!
I have been feeling the baby churning inside for a couple weeks now. Today, I totally felt movement with my hand on my stomach. After lunch I had laid on the couch to catch a little nap. I was laying there and my hand was draped across my stomach. I was laying there and all of a sudden. There is was, a little jump. I felt it three times. Nothing since. Just a lot more churning of baby today. But if felt so cool to know that there really is someone in there.

20 Weeks, 4 Days...Emotional

I have had quite the emotional swing range since I have been pregnant and in the last week it has gotten much worse. I may have to call my doc and see if this is really normal...Because, really, I'm a mess. Currently I feel I can write about it because I am off the crazy emotional ride of the afternoon and I'm home waiting for my next move of the day.
I just can't seem to handle more than one thing at a time and I have a hard time when plans change suddenly. It takes me so long to digest it that I just become an upset mess.
The best way I can explain it is.
2+2=3
I know, that's wrong. But that is how I feel when things start to overwhelm me. I feel like I keep adding 2+2 and keep getting three. I know that it is supposed to be 4, but no matter how many times I try to add the numbers, I get three and since I know that isn't right, I just have a meltdown.
I live in a state of befuddlement and I'm am usually able to roll with the punches. Lately, I just can't.
I read and have had friends tell me that it's not just me. A lot of women start feeling stupid and out of mental sorts when they are pregnant. I'm not talking just emotionally unbalanced, but rational thinking seems to go out the window as well.
Today, I came face to face with a change of schedule and day and it did not go well. I had a complete meltdown. And I mean, a hysterical, crying, girl entered my body and was obsessed with how unfair life is. All because the plans and schedule of the day were changed. It was nobody's fault...No reason to fall apart...Yet, as I rationally tell myself I am being ridiculous, I can't stop getting upset and off kilter. 2+2=3...and I know that's wrong!
There is nothing worse than feeling completely out of control of one's emotional responses. I don't respond to anything, I am in a constant state of reaction...Raw reaction...And it is driving me CRAZY...Wait, I'm already there.
I wonder if my depression has something to do with my ability to deal, or lack there of. I am on my maintenance dose of medication, no big deal. Have been fine since before I was pregnant, but I wonder, do the hormonal changes effect me differently. I don't feel normal depression feelings (And I mean, how I feel when I am not on medication, my normal).
I think what is scary is that, it feels like it will never get better. I try to say, this will pass. I will not always feel this way, but I get scared that it's permanent.
that is the only similar feeling to the one I had before I went on depression medication. I was so worried that I was broken and that no one and nothing could put humpty dumpty back together again. I did get put back together again. I wasn't broken...I just needed help.
I'm just not sure what help is this time.
I'll talk to my doc at the next appt. if not sooner. Right now...I just need to say...This too will pass and stop thinking about math or other problems that seem to be easy.

20 Weeks, 3 Days

I realized the other night that I want to write more about the pregnancy. Not so much for the 5 people who actually read this, but for myself. Just thoughts I have and where I am at during the days.
I use to journal a lot, but I have stopped, but this would be a way to journal and write some and for those who want to come along on this journey, you can read it. I live a pretty boring life, so, reading about it won't be that exciting, but you will get corn harvest updates on a regular basis, especially if we finish...
I was up this morning at about 8:AM when the phone rang. Eric calling and checking on something. Dustin had to work last night, so I had the bed to myself, well, by to myself, I mean, Me, the Dog and the Cat. It was cozy to say the least.
I need to run out to my vehicle this morning, I have one of my miniature Christmas trees out there and would like to get lights on it and up by the fireplace. I have an idea of putting it in my new knitting basket (Thank you Reyna for the basket!) I don't have a lot of knitting stuff in there and I think it would be cute by the mantel.
This morning, baby is not to active. Usually I feel the baby in the morning, but sometimes not. It isn't always noticeable if I am not still because the movement isn't very distinct yet. So, sometimes I notice it more than other times.
Dustin is still at work this morning, so I called with a grocery list. I NEED APPLES. They have been one of my favorite foods lately and it has been three days since I have had one.
I haven't been eating enough, so today I pulled out the check list. I have a pregnancy diet check list and with life being the way it is, I haven't eaten enough.
I lost 15 lbs in my first trimester. Lost another pound in the last month. This really isn't a worry. Because of my weight, if I can keep my weight gain to 15-20 lbs, that would be fabulous. The nurse and I think a lot of it is because I have been eating healthier. Cut down in soda, not eating so much junk food and fat. I have to thank Carol for helping with the eating. Ask yourself if you would feed it to your newborn. Then decide if you should eat it, because you are feeding it to your baby. It's made me very aware of my diet. It really hasn't been bad. The last days I know I haven't gotten enough veggies. So, that is what I need to pay attention to right now. The family is not a huge veggie eating bunch, so to get them, I think I may need to bite the bullet and just make them for myself.
We eat tons in garden season, but winter we slack. I didn't get any carrots this year, so I haven't had my home grown frozen carrots this winter and I miss them. I think I may need to do some vegetable experimentation to get some more in my diet.
Fruits and whole grain, proteins and iron, I'm good. I have been getting the fish servings I should have and have added an Omega 3 supplement (actually readded). I stopped taking it when I had all the morning sickness because fish oil and vomiting didn't mix. Now, I think I can do it again.
I am starting to look a little pregnant. I have been wearing maternity for a long time, but not looking pregnant. I have read that the first pregnancy, some women don't look pregnant until the 6th month. I might be one of them. I have lost weight in my face, but my stomach is starting to round out more. I kinda look like a ball for a head, ball for a body and two sticks for legs.
I know I should take some pictures one of these days, I just don't think about it.
We need to do a Christmas picture soon. As in yesterday, so maybe we'll get there yet.
later all

Update!

I am 21 weeks along in pregnancy. The baby is making me sea sick. (It kicks at my stomach sometimes and I get really queasy.

Last Friday I had my OB appointment. Good news. Baby is healthy and doing well.
Bad news. Baby is shy and we were denied knowing the gender...AGAIN!
I am having one more ultra sound at the end of the month, if we don't find out then...we probably will have to wait until the birth.
The baby needs to lay on it's back and not cross its legs to get a good view. So, hopefully...

I turn 33 a week from tomorrow (or today) Wednesday anyway. I am digesting this a bit. It has never bothered me to get older before. I was ecstatic to turn 30, it felt like an accomplishment to survive the B.S. of my 20's.

33, I don't know if I have any feelings about it at all. I'm more nervous about becoming a mom at 33 than anything else that could come my way.

I can't believe I am awake right now. I have been so tired and once I tried to go to bed, wide awake. I guess I will go try again.

I started decorating for Christmas last night, not much. Got the tree up and lights on it. No decorations yet. I also decorated the mantel of the fireplace, that looks pretty cool.

Tonight, I rearranged the TV, Dish, DVR and VCR cords as well as untangled the routers from the mess. It looks better, but seriously, something that takes that long should look like it's an accomplishment, not like I did nothing. Which was the point, get the cords put away again. We got a new LCD TV, it's awesome, hangs on the wall and it the perfect size for our tiny living room. Now, I am trying to find a cabinet for all the A/V equipment.

Good night. I think I can sleep now.