I have had quite the emotional swing range since I have been pregnant and in the last week it has gotten much worse. I may have to call my doc and see if this is really normal...Because, really, I'm a mess. Currently I feel I can write about it because I am off the crazy emotional ride of the afternoon and I'm home waiting for my next move of the day.
I just can't seem to handle more than one thing at a time and I have a hard time when plans change suddenly. It takes me so long to digest it that I just become an upset mess.
The best way I can explain it is.
2+2=3
I know, that's wrong. But that is how I feel when things start to overwhelm me. I feel like I keep adding 2+2 and keep getting three. I know that it is supposed to be 4, but no matter how many times I try to add the numbers, I get three and since I know that isn't right, I just have a meltdown.
I live in a state of befuddlement and I'm am usually able to roll with the punches. Lately, I just can't.
I read and have had friends tell me that it's not just me. A lot of women start feeling stupid and out of mental sorts when they are pregnant. I'm not talking just emotionally unbalanced, but rational thinking seems to go out the window as well.
Today, I came face to face with a change of schedule and day and it did not go well. I had a complete meltdown. And I mean, a hysterical, crying, girl entered my body and was obsessed with how unfair life is. All because the plans and schedule of the day were changed. It was nobody's fault...No reason to fall apart...Yet, as I rationally tell myself I am being ridiculous, I can't stop getting upset and off kilter. 2+2=3...and I know that's wrong!
There is nothing worse than feeling completely out of control of one's emotional responses. I don't respond to anything, I am in a constant state of reaction...Raw reaction...And it is driving me CRAZY...Wait, I'm already there.
I wonder if my depression has something to do with my ability to deal, or lack there of. I am on my maintenance dose of medication, no big deal. Have been fine since before I was pregnant, but I wonder, do the hormonal changes effect me differently. I don't feel normal depression feelings (And I mean, how I feel when I am not on medication, my normal).
I think what is scary is that, it feels like it will never get better. I try to say, this will pass. I will not always feel this way, but I get scared that it's permanent.
that is the only similar feeling to the one I had before I went on depression medication. I was so worried that I was broken and that no one and nothing could put humpty dumpty back together again. I did get put back together again. I wasn't broken...I just needed help.
I'm just not sure what help is this time.
I'll talk to my doc at the next appt. if not sooner. Right now...I just need to say...This too will pass and stop thinking about math or other problems that seem to be easy.
No comments:
Post a Comment