Harvest. We have a love / dread relationship.

We started beans today. That's good. Dustin had the 9600 going and decided just to use that today and get the 7720 going tomorrow. Short, day, but 50 acres is better than not getting to harvest at all. The new cylinder and the stuff Dustin put in the combine is working great, he's really impressed.

The dilemma. Manpower or lack of it. Our hired man is a college kid, so he has class T, W, Th. He won't be back until Friday. A friend of ours who is going to work for us for a chunk of harvest can't start until the 11th.  The person who enters the combining picture...Me.

I'm not saying I don't want to. I actually kind of enjoy harvest and being in the field. This  year is the first year that we have two children during harvest and two under age 5 is a bit difficult. There should be a new term for the SAHM that is a Farm Wife. Nothing can really express the knots in my stomach, the tears that are at the brims of my eyes...The stress of this time of year on me and my psyche is a weight I hope I learn to bear at some point or at least walk through with a bit of grace and maybe find a place I am comfortable.

What causes me the dread. Being all things to all people. I don't mind combining. I resent that the rest of my "normal duties" are still placed squarely on my shoulders to bear and there is barely a finger of help to be seen.  I will work in the field tomorrow. I will have the added joy of having Ella with me for the entire day. I can even handle that. I will work an entire day, just as hard as my husband.
We will get home. He will sit down to rest because he's worked hard and then I will be expected to come up with supper for us.  He may go take a shower...He may keep the kids off me so I can get food made. Or he may say, "take care of them first, I can wait for supper."
He may ask what I need him to do... I will tell him. He will say, "I'll do it a little later." When a "little later" comes around, I will have gotten tired of waiting and will have done it myself.

After I have gotten supper done, maybe gotten the dishwasher loaded. It will finally be my turn to take a shower. It will probably be about 10:PM Dustin will relax watching TV. I will enter the bathroom to find it like I do most nights...His clothes on the floor of the bathroom...I will have to pick up after him after my shower. After the shower...I will get a load of laundry sorted, ready to turn on in the morning. I'll pull the clothes that I had in the dryer out...Maybe fold them. By then, I'll be tired and I probably won't. We'll live out of the basket.

11:00. Time to go up, just in time for Ella's feeding. I'll feed her. Go to bed. Get up for the 2:AM feeding. Dustin will take the 6:AM. At least he has for the last nights and says he'll continue.

I'll get up with Ian at 6:30. (That's if he hasn't woken up at 5:00 or woken in the night.) I'll get him breakfast. I'll put him in front of the TV so I can get dressed.  We'll figure out the day again. I'll either stay home or go to the field. It will depend.

I know it sounds like I don't like my life or the farm. It's not that. I do truly love my life. I just wish this time of year that I was not expected to be all things to all people. The cook and the combiner. The one who is at the end of the line for every meal, shower or personal need.

What will bother me most. At one point. After working in the field for a week. Barely getting sleep. Barely keeping up. My dear husband will complain about what a disaster the house is...The house I haven't been home to take care of...And I will start again being behind at home. Feeling like a failure...And bitter because it's not like I was given the offer of help or if I was, the followthrough was lacking...And then he'll wonder why I am crabby, angry, bitter and hurt.

This time of year truly kicks me in the butt.

Every year I pray that it will be different. The kids are just an added element to a pattern that has already been established.  I pray that I will be stronger. I pray that I will be able to articulate clearly what help I need. I pray that someone will listen. I pray that at least I will be appreciated for how much I work to try to keep these plates spinning on those stupid poles.

Maybe when our kids are in school this will be a bit easier. Maybe it won't. who knows?

All I know for sure is that I'm so wrapped in knots right now that I should be sleeping and instead I am writing this...just trying to get it out. Hoping for the best, but really expecting the worst.

Lord, please give me strength...I just don't know how to deal with this...I never have...give me patience, give me balance...give me a MAID!  Heck...forget the maid. Give me 20 minutes a day to myself to decompress for this madness every day and I will be great.

Harvest. How I love and hate dread it, all at the same time.

New Hair!

I left Ian and grandma's, Ella with friends, and I went and got my hair done. It's warm browns with blond in my bangs.
I love it. I'm in absolute heaven.
Tomorrow. Dustin works on the combine.
I work on the house.

Tuesday. I start more painting at the in-laws. Exterior of house. I'm on a mission.

First DAy of October! Fall!

After several tough days! I've had a really good one. The baby blues weren't really in sight today, which was nice. I got the kitchen cleaned. A cabinet in the kitchen gone through. Apple crisp made.  It was successful.  Even better. I wasn't hard on myself. I've been pretty hard on myself...today. I did what needed to be done. I also got 30 minutes to take a shower this morning. That makes a world of difference.

Ian was in his PJ's all day. I wasn't perfect. Who cares.

I realize I am really needing to create time for me, even when no one is helping me create it.

Better be off. Company for supper tonight. Need to get it ready.

Wheat Harvest...And the big question...(Can I keep from having the baby before it's over?)

We are harvesting our wheat. It has been a bit slow since the wheat hasn't gotten dry enough to harvest until later in the afternoon and has been toughening up early in the evening. Today...hot, humid, but also windy, so the guys are still at it. The elevator closed at 8:00, but I'm sure they would fill everything before they quit.
Our test weight is low, but our protein is really good, so we will get a premium. A lot of people are getting 12 and 13 protien, ours has been 14.7 or higher, so that is good news for the bottom line.

I've started having a few contractions, but they mostly happen at the end of the day after I have walked around and been up most of the day. By morning, baby seems to be back out of the birth canal and we do the same thing over the next night.

Last Friday at my OB appt. nothing was happening yet. But as the weekend continued, I have started to feel different. But hopefully everything will hold steady until we get wheat finished.

My legs, ankles and feet are really swollen. It use to go away when I put my feet up or at least in the morning when I woke up the swelling would be gone. Now...it never goes away and my feet and calves feel really tight. If I didn't want the wheat finished so badly I would want to go into labor right now! But, I also know that it would be a lot better if baby would hold off for another 5-7 days. I have another appt on Friday, so we'll see where we are at then.

The humidity has been horrible today. This has been a terrible summer to be pregnant, but a great summer if you are a corn plant. So, my misery is our corn's gain. We are on the way to having the best corn crop we've had in the short time we have grown corn. I know the weather has been perfect for it based on the number of days we have run the A/C this summer. We only ran it a handful of times last year and this year it has been going for days at a time.

I still have quite a bit to get finished before the baby comes and I'm trying to be okay with the realization that not everything is going to get done. She will have a cradle, clothes, food and parents and family who love her. She really shouldn't need much more...I have been wanting a good cleaning done, but there are quite a few improvement projects that it would be good to have done before I scrub the house down. Mudding, painting, sanding, sawing.

Even little projects would make me feel good at this point. If Sears would get my dishwasher working again. (It worked for a whole month this time!) I would be ecstatic. It would help my life considerably. When it works, we run it every day. I hate doing dishes and the extra standing isn't great for my feet either. Repairman comes again on Thursday. Then it will be about two weeks before he can come back and fix it with whatever part he orders. grrrrr.

The house is finally cooling down. I actually shut the air off today because it wasn't keeping up. It wasn't worth running for the house to be two degrees cooler than outside. At least by opening all the windows I got the breeze and it then became 5 degrees cooler. It's cooler outside right now, but I'm guess that will remedy itself soon.

Well, there's the news from here.

More info. to come.

Last days! For so many things.

Tomorrow is my last day at the interim call. I've pretty much packed up everything. Some boxes will go in the car tonite, some tomorrow. I'd like most of it home before Sunday.  This has been a great place to be for the last months.

Today I also had an OB appointment. I'm realizing how close we are getting to the next baby being here. Just a little over a month away!
I want to concentrate on being here in my last couple days, but I'm having a hard time not thinking about the next weeks. My last days with Ian as an only child. My last weeks of pregnancy and baby kicks inside. My last days of trying to get everything ready and trying not to panic.
I feel like the ending at church is just  a precursor to the beginning of the rest of things and those are really what I'm most intent on right now.  I've had more fun being at home lately...I almost mourned coming into work this week because I wanted to stay at home and get things done and play with Ian.

I worry how I'll do being a SAHM this time. I think I've put a lot more safeties for myself in place. The need to get out. The support system I have this time is better. I also know what to expect and those around me do too, so I'm hoping we are going to be able to watch me more closely before I spin out of control like the postpartum last time.

I noticed that I also talespinned again this summer, and while I pulled out of it. Dustin was talking about being nervous shortly after because it was the same time the year before that I had completely fallen apart and he was worrying about me.  He didn't know how I had been feeling, but to realize that maybe there is a cyclical pattern in the year was a real revelation for me.

So, I'm hoping that these last days are going to be everything I want them to be. I also realize that I need to be realistic. I think I set myself up with ideas and then sent myself up for falls when thing don't go as I expect.

So, think of me on my last days...whatever days you are thinking about.

Packing up!

I've entered my last two weeks at my interim call and 6 days left of being at the office or church. I started the process of packing up the office today.   It feels weird and good, all in the same breath. I didn't realize that as much stuff migrated here, but apparently, I now have more than just the crate I brought for the first day.
I've been cleaning out the desk. Leaving what was there, sorting out what is mine. Recycling office things that were probably only helpful to me at the time, now, things have moved forward.

I'm probably going to take a few things off the walls now too. That way I can see how many more boxes I'll need to get the stuff boxed up.
I'm not sure where this stuff is going to go when I bring it home. Not a clue. Some of the books will go in my shelves at home. The pictures, I'll find homes for them. Some stuff. I'm not sure.
I know it must be time. Every morning, I've been waking up and longing to stay with Ian and spend the morning with him and get back to the routine that we usually have when I'm home.
I look at the house and see all the things that it would be nice to have done and ready by the time the baby gets here.
I think of the meals that I want to get in the freezer, then we'll have a couple weeks of food that takes minimal preparation.
I see packing here, packing and unpacking at home...
A new chapter is beginning. I can't wait.

It's official...I'm an idiot (Hopefully this is only pregnancy brain)

I have entered a new level of stupid this week.
It could be because I was supposed to have a few days off and instead had a prayer service, a funeral and everything that goes along with those events.
It could be that I haven't been sleeping very well and have finally been able to catch up a little bit in the last couple days since the heat subsided.
It could be that I have always been this much of an idiot (No, I'm pretty sure that I was intelligent once upon a time)

Most likely.  Hormones surging through my brain have decided that they are going to take up those brain cells for awhile and if I'm lucky. They will return them some time after the baby is born.

Focusing seems to be my biggest dilema. I have lists to keep me somewhat on track, but for the most part...I just can't focus. I'm having trouble prioritizing too.

This is my last day of work this week, mostly because I didn't get Monday off like was planned. So, I need a day at home...I need to pick up our life again!

On the way to work. I kept freaking out because I'd look in back for Ian and he wasn't in his car seat.  I left him with grandma. SO I COULD COME TO WORK!

I'm having trouble remembering things and I have asked people a lot of questions...twice. Unfortunately, quite a few of them have been stupid questions.  Stupid because they are obvious answers that I already have access too or know already from the previous week.

So, I guess I will keep waiting for intelligence to return.  Until then. I appologize for asking you the same thing three times. I'm sorry you have to explain the most basic information 100 times.  I regret that I didn't remember that you had already made a request of me and I forgot in 10 minutes.  I am counting on this getting better in about 10 weeks.

Good Food, Good Friends, Good Movie...It was all good...well, the food sucked!

Last night was girls night.
We were going to go to dinner and a movie. Let's face it, this a plan that you can't go wrong with when you are talking about a girls night. We'd have dinner at a good restaurant and then go to a movie that none of the men in our lives would be caught dead going to. (Sex In the City 2)

We went to a favorite restaurant for dinner. Cloth napkins! No children's menu! A long wine list (although two of the three of us is preggers, so the wine list is a waste on us right now.)   But the food! This place is usually fantastic. Last night, apparently not the normal chef. It was horrible. It was bland, greasy, tastless, I had a pasta dish and the pasta was overcooked. I got the best of the three plates as far as flavor, but it was far from stellar. I'm glad we ordered an appetizer because at least whoever was cooking couldn't screw up fried cheese! (We had cheese curds).

The movie was fun. The friends were even better. Next time...different restaurant.

going better today.

Today seems better than yesterday.  It's a beautiful day today. Warm, almost hot. But beautiful. I was able to keep up a bit better. I went for a walk and ran other errands when I got sleepy this afternoon and that got me over the hump of the sleepies.

Tonight...GIRLS' NITE OUT!  I am going with the fabulous Kari and the fabulous Diane to dinner and then we are going to the Sex and the City Movie. We've all been wanting to see it. It's a perfectly fun night for all.

I'm just finishing up a few things here at work and then I'll be off for early dinner. The mom in me still knows that I'll have to get home after the movie. Go figure!  It will still be a nice break.

I am currently busy with Red Willow Bible Camp Quilt Auction. I think we have the next meeting set and now hopefully...I can get an agenda and a working list of what needs to be done put together for everyone's benefit. I want to keep meetings short and to the point.


Sears Repair Comes on Friday! I am not optimistic, I'll be honest. I really just want. Need a working dishwasher. I know there are people who do not have this luxury item. I know I can get by without one, but I have one... I have become dependent and there is nothing worse than having it sitting there...mocking me!

I think the computer is about to take a giant crap on us. I'll take Dustin's in tomorrow and find out. There's a point where if the fixing is almost as much as getting a new one...I'll get the new one.

Pastoral ministry is chugging along. I have a few things going and am trying to do a good job with them. 
I get to chant the liturgy on Sunday, which I love to do, but haven't done alot recently...so. hopefully i can practice tomorrow.  I also get to do a baptism on Sunday. I'm excited.  I love baptisms.

I miss Ian today. I know I saw him this morning. I'll see him tonight. I just find myself looking at his picture a lot and thinking...I wish I was with my boy!  I think on my days home this week, we will try to do all the things he loves. (He's 1, it is not a long list!) Hopefully go outside and swing and go for a wagon ride or two. Get dirty in the garden while I try to do a little weeding. Build towers out of his megablocks and then knock them down. Watch Super Why, and Mickey's Clubhouse. I am realizing that I need to be enjoying and taking in to the best of my ability all the time I can with him before the baby gets here. Mostly because, after that...he has to share me with another little person.  We are going from two on one defense to a man to man.  It's going to be different. I'm excited. I'm nervous.

Well, I'm getting close to the end of the day...better get ready to go!

Oh, how tired!

I get soooooo tired in the afternoons. The days I was home, I took a nap. That made all the difference in the world.
Father's Day Weekend was great.
Family, food, fun.
I'm sad it's over. I'm sad that I'm back at work, actually. I am really looking forward to being home. I realize I whine about this a lot lately.  This and my anger with Sears and not having a dishwasher.
It ended up being beautiful outside and I'm sad that I got only a limited amount of time out there.

I played catch up at work today. I think I am doing pretty good. Getting close to having most things handled. A lot of things needed to be emailed and put into someone else's court next, so forwarded those on.

good day. Just can't wait to go home.

Monday! What's a girl to do? Seriously?

I am struggling a bit today with what to do with myself. I'm still not sure what to do while in limbo. I have plenty of stuff to do at home. Unfortunately...I'm not there, I'm at work.

Work is interesting right now. With my collegue's vacation last week and a new pastor coming. I'm not sure what I should be doing right now. My collegue and I have to figure out the next 6 weeks, I think. He'll be in tomorrow, so hopefully we can have lunch and I can figure out my plans for the next week.  I'm not even sure of the preaching schedule...so, consequently...I have nothing really to work ahead on. We only had planned through this week.

I have hospital visits to check in on after lunch. I have a coffee to set up with a congregation member... Quilt auction stuff I need to get a jump on, but sitting in my office at this moment. I'm not sure where to go from here.

In other news.
My glucose tolerance test went without a hitch. I have switched my heartburn med and have noticed a huge difference. Zantac wasn't doing it anymore, so she recommended that I switch over to Prilosec once a day. And wow. I noticed in a day and a half what a difference it made.

We went to a reception for friends yesterday at there home. It was fun and when we got home, I weeded the garden. I got quite a bit done in a relatively short amount of time.

I haven't shared the big news about the dishwasher. Sears repair came to our house to fix it. I got exactly one load of dishes washed! Yes! You heard it here. One Load!

The pump now wont stop. The washer wont fill with water. It worked a grand total of one time. Even then, it washed the dishes, but it didn't stop, it just kept pumping out...And there was nothing left to pump. I'm wondering how many times Sears is going to come out and fix this before they realize that giving us a new washer would be cheaper than trying to fix it. We have a warranty on the washer now.

So, we shall see. I will have a working dishwasher by the time this baby comes or I will have a breakdown.

Frybread! Flowers! Sermons!

My title expresses the highlights and joys of my day.
A local restaurant had Frybread Taco's for their special today. I got one to go and I'm very excited to have just finished it. It was fantastic! They usually have them on Saturdays, but to have them on a Wednesday was a great gift.

One of the seasonal greenhouses closes on Monday, so they are discounting 25% until then. I'm hoping that I can pick a few more flowers up. For those of you that talk to me on a regular basis, you are correct, that this will be my 3rd or 4th flower trip. I just can't stop! I keep finding containers that would look so cute with things in them.

I would really like to finish my sermon today. It's my last day of work for the week until Sunday. So, if I could have it completed, I would be totally on my own for the following three days and that would be amazing.

Tomorrow I have my 1 hour glucose test as part of my OB appt. I hate this thing. It wears me out, makes me loopy and stupid, and I can't walk a straight line when I have all that sugar. I'm having a friend's 10 year old daughter out for  the day as a mommy's helper. She's great with Ian. She is use to young kids, being an excellent auntie at her young age. I don't need a babysitter, I need someone to play with him and watch him so I can get other things done. So, hopefully the rain will disappear or hold off for a bit tomorrow after my appointmnet so I can use the time wisely. I want to get my vegetable garden weeded and the flowers that I'm purchasing in those pots I mentioned.

If it rains, I still have plenty of things inside to do. So, I'm excited for the day.

I'm also hoping that I can start cultivating a future babysitter now. She's great and I think that as she gets older, she is exactly who I would be comfortable with watching my kids. So, start her young.

Well, there's the joy and excitement for my day.

Later.

Going Home!! And Turning around to come back early tomorrow!

I have lead worship for Sunday morning and I think it went really well. I'm exhausted, but I'm guessing a nap is not going to be happening anytime soon.
I have a funeral tomorrow and everything is ready, except for the sermon. I've got a few notes. I'll write it in the morning. I am empty of inspiration for the day. 
I can't wait until my collegue gets back! I'm tired.

Stop! I'm not ready for this.

I have to admit. Since starting interim, I have enjoyed having a collegue. Even when things are crazy, you have someone to share the burden with, someone to bounce I ideas off, someone to divide and conqueor the duties with and not lose your mind.
Example." If you are doing the funeral on Thursday morning, I'll prepare confirmation class for Wednesday." 
It works. We can't be everywhere at once, so we divide the duties as needed. Until your collegue goes on vacation. Then you are the only one to handle the barrage. I was use to this when I was a solo pastor. You make your priorities. You take things as they come. When everything starts happening at once. You get through things the best you can and you do it.
But truthfully. I'm out of solo pastor experience. I have a prayer service tomorrow. A funeral on Friday. And i'm pretty sure that I will be getting ready for another funeral over the weekend.
Now, I'm completely competent. I can handle this. It is part of the call. It's part of my job. I will be fine...But truthfully...I'm really, really missing my collegue right now. Divide and conqueor would be a really nice thing right now. But...it's not an option. So, I'll do what needs to be done...Then...hopefully...sleep.

100 days!

It is 100 days until my due date! I can't believe it, can you?  It's a tough day at the farm. Rain again last night has made it so we can't seed again today. So, we got one day of seeding in and now we are stopped again.
I'm at work today. My collegue is on vacay and guess what? Less than 24 hours after he left. Someone died and now I have a funeral to prepare for Friday. Prayer service on Thursday night. Go figure. I should have seen it coming.

I'll lead bible study tomorrow. That should be fun. I like the lesson.

I'm trying to get a bit ahead in the week, just in case anything else happens.

I think I will like the staying home thing. I get more comfortable with it every day. I've been riding on the tractor with Dustin quite a bit lately and talking it out is making it a bit easier as well.  The nice part is that, I know that I don't want to do anything until at least January. That gives me a lot of time for family and time to think.

I've had a conversation with the associate to the bishop about what's next and we are leaving it very open. I'll let him know when I am ready to do anything. So, I'm feeling good about that decision.

Right now, I'm just happy that I can enjoy the time and not worry about the next thing.

Next?

I will be finished with my current interim position at the end of July. I'm not sure when there new pastor will be starting, but I think I would like 6 weeks at home before the baby comes.
They are voting on extending a call to someone on Sunday. I'm assuming that it will be a positive vote and I'm also assuming that the pastor will take the call when offered.
I'm excited for the church. To have someone permanent and to move on in a positive direction. I'm excited that they are voting on calling a woman. I've been told that I probably helped in their openness to those considerations. So, that feels good.
I do feel a bit in limbo. Excited for them. Sad for myself. Excited to hear them making plans. But out of the loop because I remember. Wait. I won't be here.

I'm not completely certain what is next. I interviewed for a half time ministry related position, but I didn't come out excited, so I will not pursue it further.

I know that I will be home until January. And I might choose to stay home longer than that. I'm needed at the farm. I'm needed with my family. But it also makes me nervous. I feel like a huge part of my identity is wrapped up in my career. Something I worked hard for and do well, (most of the time).

I'm trying to get comfortable with the idea of SAHMom/Farmer. I'm trying to see that contribution to the family as valuable. Right now, I'm able to put a value on my contribution. Paycheck, health insurance. Staying at home has a value that is not as tangible and I need to get my head around it. 

So, Next? I don't know. I just don't know...

Changes

I can't say a lot now, but I have learned that life could be in the process of changing very soon. I'll learn more in the next couple days.
Have no fear. Dustin, Ian, the fetus, and I are all fine and healthy.
More breaking news as it becomes available.

Rain, Rain, Go AWAY! But not forever or anything!

It is a rather dreary day in North Dakota, at least our part of it. We have only seen the sun fleetingly since Sunday. Sunday at noon, it looked beautiful. By 3:30 rain and dreariness.
I've taken the rain delays in the field in stride. I've been coming into church. I took vacation to help seed and it rained most of the time (with one day of snow!)
I'm sure I'll still get plenty of time in the planter, but not for awhile. When we can go again...It will be go, go, go until we are done.
My may calendar looks rather bare, but I can't believe it is true. It must just be that I haven't written everything down for the month. Graduation isnt' even written in yet. We have three invites. We will go to our neice's for sure. So, that will wipe out another one, so we'll just have to get the gift together for that one.  I think we'll head to Litchville-Marion as well.
Reyna and Marty's wedding was beautiful. It was a fun weekend and fun to get away for a little time without Ian. I love my son, but sometimes it is nice to get to sleep in and act like my life is my own.
So, this week has been filled with trying to get caught up on the last two weeks of my life that I haven't been here.
The best part of the week has been lunch with the girls. TWO DAYS IN A ROW! I so could take on life as a lady who lunches. But by Wednesday I'll be back to spit-up, laundry, and a finicky eater. (My son, not my husband!) 
Dustin has been a very productive little bee today. He and my little cuz (he's also our hired man, as well as my little cousin!) worked on finishing up the wiring project in our house that needed completion. We got a new breaker box and some stuff had to be connected to it yet. They also fixed my stove, so I can cook again (Oh, the Joy of now not knowing what to make and not having an excuse for picking up chicken anymore!)
I think I will actually make a meal tonight. (Don't faint people, I do cook on a regular basis.) I usually enjoy it.
I have turned a corner with the finicky eating toddler. Raw fruits. Watermelon, grapes, cantaloup. I can't get him to eat veggies other than cucumbers and celery anymore, so fruit it is.  Watching Ian eat the celery is kinda entertaining. He only has 7 teeth!
I'm hoping that once he can eat raw veg out of the garden I will convert him over to vegetables.  He ate chicken last night and it wasn't the nugget kind! He ate real chicken! I'm so proud. Relieved. Maybe he will move onto other exciting meats. Like hamburger!  A girl can dream.
In baby news. This little one is kicking and jumping up a storm. She likes to tap dance on my bladder and I can't imagine how bad it gets as she gets bigger.
Well, that's all for now. Have a great day!

It's a Girl!

I was right. The ultrasound last Thursday confirmed my hunch. We are having a little girl.  I'm very excited that we will have one of each, but I also thought it would be really cool to have two boys close in age. So, really, I would have been thrilled with either.
Everything is looking good.
I've added the countdown ticker in an appropriate color now.
Pink

I have changed my background too, but that's not because we are having a girl. I've been feeling girly and love the brown and pink together, so it was perfect.

I'm amazed that we are over half way through this pregnancy. I've been a lot calmer because I know what pregnancy feels  like. It's been interesting what is similar this time and what is different. I'm much more calm about delivery and my birthplan and feel much more levelheaded about it.

I was so hyped up last time. The unknown. The baby coming early and my body not being ready. I thought I was prepared, but really was completely caught off guard and so I didn't go through with the plan I had in my head. I kinda went blindly. I know this time, I won't have that same reaction. I will be in more control of the process and comfortable asking for what I need to make the birth easier for myself.

I might be growing up! 'Bout time, since I'm having my second kid and all.

The Three Days

It is Maundy Thursday. It is hard to believe that this time has gone so quickly. We had a 2:00 service today and will have the larger one at 7:00 p.m.  This is also first communion for the 5th graders. I think I have everything ready.
Tomorrow there is a community service starting at noon.
There is a regular Good Friday service at 7:00 p.m.


I think I have everything ready for this as well. I THINK. There's always something that goes a little crazy or doesn't go quite right. I think it should go well.

I'm very tired this week. Pregnancy and Marathon days of worship are something I have never experienced before. I wasn't serving a church when I was pregnant with Ian, so I had no idea that it would wear me out this much. Of course, Ian is also walking and doing so much more. I wasn't chasing a toddler the last time I was pregnant.

Easter Sunday will be a day of three services.
7:AM, 8:30 AM and 11:00 AM

MONDAY! SWEET SLEEP! THANK YOU BABY JESUS!

Monday Afternoon Blech

Most afternoons I hit a wall. A very large, exhausting wall. There's plenty of things I could do, but I'm so exhausted that I am finding it hard to do them. I get so sleepy. grrrrr.
But, I can't really complain about the day. I have Maundy Thursday done and to the secretary for copying. I have Good Friday bulletin and service done. Just waiting to find out one choir detail that I don't have. Once the choir director gets back to me, I'll be ready for that to be run off too.

What I really need to do...Clean my office. Lent, Holy Week and Easter puked all over my desk and office. There are things scattered everywhere. I have a hunch that if I went through them I would discover that most of it can now be thrown because I have moved beyond that stage of a project.

Dustin called and I have parts to pick up at FEI, the joy. It sounds expensive! It always is when I have to pick up things there.

I also have to make my doc appts. today. Honestly, I just need to get it done already. I'm so behind!

Well, I must go for now.  It's cleaning I must do. And maybe get the other piddly stuff done as well.

Later all
Lucinda

I must admit. I'm getting bad at this.

I have been less than sporadic with my posts. I know. I was hoping to document more of Ian's firsts here and different transitions.
Now, Ian is 11 months old. He's almost walking. He has 7 teeth in various stages of growth. He is growing, growing, growing, and says the word, "up" when he wants you to hold him. So much has happened.

Now. I am pregnant again. I think I wrote a lot about that the first time. This time, it's not as dramatic. I'm more tired. I think that is mostly because I'm not only working, I'm chasing after a toddler when I am not at work. I sometimes go to work to rest!  I'm not as sick this time. That's why I'm predicting a girl.

So much is changing and I feel like I can't keep up, most of the time. I don't think we ever "catch up." I tend to see life as getting done what is necessary and doing the rest tomorrow.

So, until tomorrow.

I have not written in awhile and I'm still not going to...

I am going to share something.
The following was written on my friend Diane's blog in December 2007. I didn't know her then, but she sent it to me because she knew I would know how it felt. I present it to you now. I laughed so hard I cried. Why? BECAUSE IT IS SOOOOOO TRUE! I miss sleep!
Thank you Diane for making my day. This is wonderful.

I'll never forget our time together.

Dear Sleep,
I am sorry to tell you this, but it just isn't working. We have tried for over 3 years, really we have, but its just not working. Now don't be sad, it isn't you, its me. I have met someone else, well, really two people. These relationships are just too demanding and necessary for me to continue a relationship with you. Don't feel bad, you are beautiful, satisfying and so many people are blessed to know you. It just can't be with you and me. And believe me, I wish it could be. I will confess to you, that although I am in these other relationships, I daydream about getting in the car and driving to a hotel to meet you... close the blinds and just be with you for hours and hours. But, it just can't be. I will never forget those saturday mornings, just you and me. Or the lazy afternoons on the couch, under a blanket. And how could I ever forget on the floating island, at the lake under the sun. Sleep, you did things to my body I haven't felt in so long... we were so good for each other. But go, go and share your beauty with others, and maybe someday we will meet again. But until that day, I will catch glimpses of you around me, and remember all the good times and will be glad that I once knew you.

 

So much has changed.

I wish I had been writing regularily, but it has been a scary couple weeks and now I need to get you caught up.

My dad had been sick during and after Christmas. He went and got antibiotic for a sinus infection and was doing better.
Yet, a few weeks ago, he woke on Sunday morning with excruciating pain, so bad that he couldn't help but throw up. He was miserable.

Mom too him to the emergency room in Cavalier. Nothing really added up between blood tests and the xray, so they decided to have him undergo a catscan.

Thank God they did. The found an Abdominal Aortic aneurysm. 12 cm in size (that's really big). It's amazing that my dad had not ruptured it from all the coughing the week before and the throwing up that morning. If they burst, there really isn't anything that can be done. It happens too fast.

My dad was rushed to Grand Forks for emergency surgery. Dustin and I loaded up the car and Ian and drove to the hospital. There was another surgery before him, so I did get to see him before he went in. It went from 9:00 p.m. until 4:00 a.m.  Surgery went well and my dad is home recovering, but isn't feeling good at all. It takes awhile to heal from having all those internal organs moved so they could get to the problem and repair it.

We've been back and forth quite a bit and would like to go up again soon. We have a few weeks of things that we can't be away from. Time sensitive and so forth, but hopefully after that we can go see them.

In happier news. Ian is crawling like a rockstar and pulling himself up ot standing on anything that doesn't move. I'm amazed at how quickly he is growing and changing.

Blessings.