So, I was ready for bed at about 9:30, but I was trying to stay up a bit later so I wouldn't screw my sleep up. Now, 11:00 and I'm nowhere near ready to sleep. I'm having a little pity party, so now you are invited.
The day really was great until the end. It amazes me how a day can be completely wonderful and then go down hill in a matter of hours.
This morning, I skipped church and instead went to town to meet up with Dustin for breakfast. I figured God would understand my desire to spend time with my husband since we don't know when he gets to come home. He is supposed to get to come home tomorrow, but with the blizzard coming, he easily could get stuck in town. That is actually why I am feeling sorry for myself, but I'll get there.
I had breakfast with Dustin at the Depot, yummy. We went for a drive. He had a meeting at noon. I stayed at the shop because I had to wait until wal-mart opened. I keep figuring out stuff that will make organizing our house and new bedroom easier, it's been fun, but I'm spending way too much money. Still fun.
After Dustin's meeting, I met up with him and a couple of his coworkers for lunch.
After lunch, I wandered wal-mart. I found some bamboo drawer organizers that I'm going to love. A new lamp for next to the bed, because I found out last night that the one I was going to use isn't bright enough. The new one is perfect. I got new down alternative pillows for the bed, some of ours are shot. I also found a great sheer lip gloss/conditioner (it's moisturizing and pretty all at the same time) and a great sheer nail polish (It's a very natural pink, but makes my fingers look better and I know it will be better for my nails.)
Got home. Got good news on the mom front, which I am thankful for. Mom is fine. The angiogram showed no blockage whatsoever. They don't know what caused the chest pain, but her heart is fine. She is now at home and I know very thankful to be there.
I spent most of the day on the couch or in the recliner. I was feeling very blah. Ian has been sticking his foot underneath my ribs all day and it has made me very uncomfortable. I can make him move them, but then two minutes later he decides that's where they belong. I've had a headache. blah blah blah. So I have watched a lot of TV and napped. I just lacked motivation and I don't feel bad about it one bit. I did fix a door and changed shower curtains in the bathroom. Good enough as far at progress goes.
What really got me was the end of the day. I realized at about 10:30 that I should check the corn hopper for the funace. That's when I realized. I have enough until tomorrow, but if the blizzard hits as big as they think it will, it will be very difficult for me to get more.
So, I had to start the toyota and haul corn. That is when I started to have my pity party.
I know what Dustin does is important. I know that it helps people and he is needed. But tonight. I just wanted to have him here taking care of me. Here I am, 8 months pregnant, hauling corn and knowing a blizzard is coming and I'm alone. I just want to cry.
I know dustin knows this feeling. There were times in parish life where I would be gone a lot and home late every night an he eventually would just say, "is it my turn yet?" Well, that's how I feel. When is it my turn? I know that he is doing what is right. I know that I can take care of myself. I just don't want to right now.
So, I know I am completely feeling sorry for myself, but sometimes, you just can't help it.
There is a blizzard on the way. I-94 is already closed from Mandan west to the Montana border. The snow should be getting here in the next hour or so. We are in the predicted area to get 6-10 inches. That's another reason I am feeling bad. Dustin was going to get to come home in the morning, now, I don't think he'll be able to get here. I'll be fine, but lonely. So, maybe the pity party will continue, maybe it won't. Time will tell. Now, I know that if I need help, my in-laws are close and some neighbors are even closer if I would need them, but I want Dustin home. I'll be fine, I just wish I was better.
Well, I think I should go to bed. If I get a good night sleep, things will look better in the morning, they usually do with daylight. even if it is snowing, cold and windy daylight.
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