God Bless My Neti Pot

You may find my title odd, but truthfully, this is the best thing that ever happened to this girl and her sinuses. I'm through with my antibiotics for the sinus infection, but I still am struggling with congestion and so I have upped my use of the neti.
During the round of sinus infections at our house, Dustin and I and Ian with his ear infection. Dustin's doc recommended 4 times a day with the neti pot and 2 times a day when you are healthy.
I was doing two. Morning and night, but I do believe that I will up the number to at least three until this is all cleared up. I just want to breath again.

We pulled of Christmas, including a blizzard! We were safe and snug in our house, my mom and dad stranded in with us. No one could make it Christmas day, so the four of us feasted and froze a huge portion of an 18 lb turkey.
I brined it and roasted it in wine, apples and vegetables and it turned out perfect! It must of. My mom said it would be nice if it was a bit dryer. Huh?
Dustin pointed out that my mom doesn't like to be out done, so if this is all she had to come up with, well, enjoy the triumph. I think I will.

Ian had fun playing in the paper. He actually enjoyed his new wagon. If he got fussy all weekend, we'd put him in the wagon and roll him to wherever we were at and he'd play in there for like an hour. It was fabulous.
And, even with all this comfort and joy. It is the neti pot that has brought me the greatest relief.

I'm drinking lots of water. I cut down on the tea today. I have been drinking a lot of that too. Today, I skipped it. The water tastes so good. I may go get a skinny french vanilla steamer at the coffee shop across the street in a little bit.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. May you all be illness free, but if you aren't...get yourself a netipot. It has made the difference.

T'was tjhe week of Christmas!

And all through the house, not a thing is ready, not even the couch.
I was sick all last week. Dustin is this week. We are hosting Christmas and I have no idea how we will pull it off, but somehow I know we will.
I am at work today catching up from my absense last week. Happily, I don't have tons to do. Why? I don't preach this week! HAHAHA!

We have a messy house, home improvements that must be improved upon. good news. Dustin has wrapped just about all the gifts.

I should be able to get the letter out tomorrow.

We'll get there. I feel like the little engine that might could.

December 8

So, we got a call about Ian getting his helmet today. When. Tomorrow. So I have to miss work to go to Bismarck for the helmet fitting. I have decided to make it worth Ian's wild. He'll get his picture taken with Santa Claus, I'm sure he'll be thrilled!
so, not going to report much right now. Just going to say, Help, I need to get my annual report done today!

December 7

So, I'm not capable of blogging every day. Life goes on. I'm still doing better than normal.
The livingroom is still a mess, but we did get most of the painting done and some things put back so we can live again. The new wall colors are fabulous! More fall, rustic tones. I think our house is starting to really feel comfortable. I will have more mudding to do. I have decided to try to fill the lines in the old paneling that we didn't remove. It shouldn't take too long or too much sanding...I hope.
I have to get a Christmas letter written and pictures done very soon. We're getting very behind. Wait, that would mean we need to take the picture! It's on the list.
For work it is the week of reports. I need January calendar report, annual meeting report, and council report done by Wed. Deadline for the first two is Friday, but I wont' be here. So, I'm hoping to hammer one more out before I go home in 45 minutes. I have no idea what to say for the council this month. I'll figure it out, I always do.
Well, I better get back to it for the last 45 minutes.
later all

December 4

I home again today. What fun. We bought seed this morning. We did the order anyway. I've touched up the drywall for hopefully the last time. Now I'm trying to find the paint roller so I can start the part of the room that I didn't have to drywall.
Ian is napping.
I also caught a mouse. Not with a trap, but underneath a tupperware container. More details later.

December 3.

Note, wrote the following yesterday, but it wouldn't post. grrrrr. So, does that mean I didn't make it or that I was defeated by technology?
Anyway.. Here's what I wrote yesterday at 11:00 p.m.


Greetings. I love being home today. Well, I haven't been home a lot and the morning sucked, but it was still good to be home. I did bookwork most of the morning. Dustin cleaned house. Ian was a doll and played on the floor and in his exersaucer.

We had our tax appointment at 3:00 p.m. That's why I did the bookwork. Our appointment went well and then we ran errands. The great fun of the evening. We decided to bring supper home, so we called my inlaws and our neighbor CG and they came over for supper and we had the best time. CG was gone on a trip, so it was so nice to have her back again. 

good night.

December 2

I am having a hard time today. I have a sinus infection, yuck. Worse, my friend K lost her job today. They were making cutbacks. I'll talk to her later. I wish there was something I could do besides be there, but being there will have to do for now. My guess is if she finds a new job it will be far away. That makes me sad.

On a happy note. Congratulations to C and M and the kids on the purchase of their new house. It was a long road, but we got there. Yippee!

Day One Mitzvah

Took the Wednesday morning bible study and confirmation lesson for the week since there will be a funeral this week.

NaBloPoMo

I need a little motivation, so I believe that I will post for National Blog Posting Month. (NaBloPoMo) Maybe if I have a goal I will get on more. I believe that I may fail due to the business of December, but I will go forward with confidence, as of right now.
According to the website, the theme for December is Mitzvah and it comes with a challenge: to give something, to someone, every day of the month, and then blog about it. The goal is to act with kindness, obviously -- Your gifts can be as large as volunteering or donating to charity, or as small as a kind word to someone who needs it.

It's early, so I really haven't had a mitzvah sort of day yet. Unless you count telling my husband I love him after a text message fight. We'll see if I can do better tomorrow.

Thanksgiving and lots to be thankful for

This Thanksgiving seems sweeter than normal this year. It's been hard to be thankful sometimes, but really, that's because we have much to be thanful for in the midst of it. Maybe you need the bitter in order to taste the sweet. Life seems to be full of so much flavor this year.
Ian's birth, we have to be thankful. It was 15+ hours, but look at what we got! Our little boy is such a bright light.
Dustin's accident. We'd never go through it again, we'd take it back if we could. But we have learned to be so thankful for every day we are blessed to be with our family and friends. We hope we never forget to smell the roses and remember what is important. We met the wonderful people at Farm Rescue. I can not thank God enough for them and their help. Thank you feels hollow. I hope that as we continue in our lives we are able to help this organization pass on the gift they gave us. WOW
My new job. I love the church I am serving at right now. I have wonderful collegues in ministry. I am getting to know these warm, wonderful people. I hope in the midst of some of the pain they have been through that I am able to use my gifts to help them in their journey and help in the healing process. They are doing so well right now, I hope I can help them continue in that direction.
I didn't realize how much I would enjoy coming back to work. I think that I realize that this call doesn't easily let go of you. I am also thankful that I was able to spend the first 6 months home with Ian. It has made me a better mother, to be there and to learn that I should go back to work. I went back to work for Ian as well as myself.
I'm so thankful for our family and friends. I know everyone says this, but this year they have gone above and beyond the call of duty as we have struggled through. I don't know how we would have made it through this year without them. In the midst of all their help and friendship, I think we also took them for granted because we were so fixed on ourselves and our survival. I vow to make up for that and the the friend and family member that I need to be. Letting them know how valuable they are to me.

With that, I should wrap up before getting ready for worship.
I ask anyone reading this to pray for my friend Linda's dad. He has a staph infection and a long road ahead of him.
I congratulate Carol and her family and am thankful that they will be getting a house of thier own. Blessings.

Happy thanksgiving everyone. Remember to hug someone you love and let them know what they mean to you.

A Wheel Fell off the Combine!

The title should get your attention. And it's true!
It's been a crazy week in Lien Land. I came to work on Monday. The day was going great, until 3:30, Dustin called. Some drive broke on the combine. Basically, the left, front wheel fell off. (Sounds expensive, doesn't it?) It is.
I did my last stuff of the day and rushed home. Before I arrived at home, Dustin has rescheduled Ian's appointment for Wednesday (that's another story) and Dustin and I were heading for Watertown, SD that night. We would be at Worthington Salvage for a rebuilt thingy by the next morning, they were holding it for us.
So, off to Watertown we go. We get there by about 10:30 or a bit later. We sleep at Dustin's aunt and uncle's house in Watertown. We get up the next morning, have coffee and a visit with his aunt and uncle, get to the dealership, buy the expensive part, (expensive and excess of 300 lbs of iron) and come home.

I'm actually relieved to be at work today, it's a lot less crazy than the farm. The combine is fixed, we are going again. My dad went home today, Dustin is teaching an EMT class tonight, I've got council at church. Nels and Harriet and Ian are going to our church for annual meeting tonight.  Life is nuts.

Tomorrow I will take Ian to his PT appointment to have him measured for his helmet. Yes, we are still trying to get that done. Between illness at the place he is having it done and harvest, this was the soonest it could happen. According to the PT, she will have to do an evaluation too, maybe the helmet option is too late. (really? so you should have called me back a month ago, when I first started trying to make this stupid appointment?!)

We'll get there, but the end of 2009 really can't come quickly enough. I'm tired.

Sermons, CT Scans, and Helmets, Oh My!

It has been a crazy couple weeks. I am back to work in a church and I have to say, I am absolutely loving it. I like the three days a week and I am amazed at how much better I am at organzing my home and work like when I have a schedule. I come home and have plants for what I want to get done there. It's been great for me, Ian, and Dustin. I have come to the conclusion that I am not meant to be a SAHM full time. I admire women who do it, but I like ministry too much.

A long week and a long weekend coming

I guess I'm not completely telling the truth about the long week. It felt like yesterday was the long week. We were blessed with Farm Rescue this week and their arrival to help take our crop of soybeans off. We have the "honor" of being the 100th farm family they have helped in their 4 short years. They are a wonderful non-profit and we are blessed that they accepted our application. We did not know how harvest would go this year. Dustin's accident made a lot of things uncertain.
Anyway, being the 100th family, also made us a news story. We were interviewed by several types of media for several articles. It was difficult to tell the story over and over again, it made me emotionally very raw. I had really put out of my mind that Dustin could have died this summer. Now, it has been in the front of my mind. I wonder if that is why I have had the headache all day?
It was also emotional to share what it meant for us to be helped by Farm Rescue. It's a job we wanted to be able to do for ourselves and we didn't know how we would, we couldn't afford custom harvesters, even if we could find them.
So, while yesterday was good, it was also exhausting.
I wonder if Dustin is being honest with me? I keep thinking he is aching more than he is letting me see, but I can only believe what he tells me.
We will have a harvesting weekend. Farm Rescue is here until Monday, one combine had to leave today, so we are now with one Farm Rescue combine and our 9600 combine. We may try to get the 7720 going as well. Especially if we are not done on Monday.
The elevator filled with wet beans today, so now they will only take the dry ones. We found out that at the 15 moisture they are at, we can store them in a bin for two weeks, so we have some bin space from a neighbor we will use tomorrow. I am annoyed with the elevator manager. We found out today that apparently the reason they are full at the elevator is because he didn't order a train for this week to get them out. Um. We finally get the weather we need and you decide not to get a way to move them? Are you nuts! I wish the board or someone would call him on this, but they won't.
I preach this Sunday and also have conference assembly to attend. It's at my church, so score, I don't have to go anywhere, other than someplace to get lunch between worship and the meeting. It's going to be a bit tense, I fear. There will be a lot of discussion about churchwide. The voting members will be there to discuss the process. yada yada yada. I keep thinking. there are people homeless, hungry, sick, lonely. There is plenty of ministry out there to do, Plenty of do as Jesus would do life to live. Why are we worried about people who are gay. Is sexual orientation really what we are going to worry about instead of all the other things I mentioned? Hmmm. We'll see how it goes.
Well, I have a long day tomorrow. So, good night.

Wednesday Afternoon and I'm Writing a Sermon!

I am taking another internet break, a little brainless helps get the sermon back on track. Believe it or not. I know some of you are amazed that I would be working on a Sunday sermon on a Wednesday. Some of you are about to call and find out if I have a fever. Stop. I am fine. Healthy.
I have to say, not having to preach every week, does seem to give me a little more get at 'em. I can spread my reading and my process out. I also now work part time, so when I am here, I have to make the most out of my time. I usually have a lot of time on Wednesday's, I don't have things Wed. afternoon until confirmation at 6:00, so I tend to get a first draft hammered out about now.
The only thing I haven't gotten use to...Having to have a title ready by Tuesday. Um, Title, really. This week, my title might actually relate to the sermon. I find that I get surprised lately with a sermon's direction. I think I know where it will go, so I hand in the title. The Holy Spirit has different ideas and then...boom, not related to the title. Now, I don't think the congregation is holding this against me. If they were in my head, then they would be concerned with my sermon process and choices of title. There is a real title and then there is the one that is not published.
This week. "The Gift and the Giver"
   What ran through my head: "The Gift and the Giver and Why I dont' eat liver" 
    Now, the sermon has nothing to do with liver, I just liked the rhyme. Although, liver tends to be a cheap cut of meat, so maybe that would be what a widow would buy.  I wouldn't if I were a widow, I'd buy oxtail, you can make a nice soup or something. It's cheap and I'd then avoid the liver thing.
    The other title. "Widows! Poor! Hungry! Can we stop talking about churchwide now?" Can we tell that I'm a little tired of some things? If you are a member of the ELCA or understand the ELCA, the second title makes sense to you.

Three weeks ago, I preached my first sermon here. The text was "give everything you have away and come follow me." (Lucinda's annotated version)
  I don't remember the title I used, I know it didn't relate to the sermon I preached.
  I do remember the alternative title choices. There were two. The first was the sermon being announced by my colleague in the form of The Red Hot Chili Peppers. "Give it away, Give it away, Give it away, Now."
The other title. "Let's give everything away, start a commune and become vegans." I don't know why vegan entered my head. I'm not a vegan, not even a vegetarian and I'm not capable of being one. And when I mean capable, I mean, have no desire to give up meat and never will, I raise cows and I eat them.
 So, you can see, people would be way more scared if they heard all the titles in my head. They should maybe be thankful that I sometime stray from a title.
I should get back to it. Have a great Wed. Night. I will.

Wednesday Morning

The winetasting was excellent last night. K and I had a lot of fun and drank some great wine. I brought my rating list home so I can get some of the ones I bought because they are definitly ones I would like again. I think that is what I love about a wine tasting. You get to try without the committment. I hate buying a bottle and finding out I don't like it and then having to choke it down or praying that someone else in your dinner party likes it and will get sloshed finishing off the bottle. (okay, maybe I only hope that)

After we had our fill of wine, we decided we were done with the high class events and went to Pizza Corner for pizza, it was fabulous. I hadn't eaten there in quite a while. It ended up being a really fun night.

I was originally going to stay at K's house, but plans with Ian had changed, so I had watched my wine consumption, lets face it, it was mostly tastes of wine anyway, so really, I probably only had one glass total and then we ate, so it was about two hours or more before I had to drive. So, don't worry anyone, I did not drink while intoxicated.  It was all over by the time that happened.

I went and met Dustin, we did a Wal-Mart run, he went and got Ian, I went home and got the laundry folded adn put away so everyone could go to bed.

This morning, I led a Bible Study and right now I'm working on confirmation worship service and lesson for tonight. At 12:30, I'm having lunch with my friend B, we haven't talked in a couple years, (long story).

It's been a great morning and I see it being a great day. I'm excited for worship tonight, I haven't gotten to do the worship service for the confirmation students yet, I'm excited.  I'm doing a home visit this afternoon, but that shouldn't take the whole afternoon, so I should be in good shape timewise as far as getting everything ready.

I finally got a hold of the PT appointment desk to schedule Ian's appointment for his helmut. They will hopefully call me back to get it scheduled before the end of the week. (What?) Okay, whatever. They have had tons of people sick and out, so I'm not going to get upset, it's just wanting to get this started so it will be finished sooner.

Well, that is all for now. I have to get back to work.

Later gators

Tuesday is better with wine!

It's a great day here in ministry.

• No one in the hospital locally. My colleague went to the one out of town.

• Lunch with a friend who is a youth director at another church in town. Very fun and at one of my favorite places here in town.

• A productive day of getting little projects done. YAY ME! 

• I got a few bigger projects started! Can you say, Quilt Auction Articles and Newsletter stuff started? I can't believe that I am getting this stuff together. I started making a timeline and getting myself organized for the project. It is going to be great.

• Planned my bible study for tomorrow.
  

•  Now, I am waiting for my friend Kari to pick me up and we are heading to a wine tasting. Yum.

I realize that it might not sound like I suffered for Jesus much today, but I did get a papercut! No, sometimes I realize that ministry is in the prepwork as well as the other stuff. Sometimes, things have to be done. The great thing is when I get a bunch of this stuff done in a day and don't have to worry about it all sneaking up on me.

have a great evening everyone!

Do I really write this little lately?

I am sorry that I haven't typed much. I think I need to recommit to blogging in November, so I get the rest of October to slack. I think it is partially because I just don't have the ambition when I get home lately. I don't really want to be on the computer when I get home and that has been my only opportunity. So, I think I'll start taking this little bit of morning break time to try to catch up.

  So, what is new. Well, I need to get my new photos of the house progress loaded, but I haven't had a chance yet. We are now mudding the drywall. We got the second coat on yesterday. I'm in charge of corners because I rock at them.
  Work at the church is going well. I love it. I need to get a few things organized today. My hospital i.d. My alb into the drycleaners. My service for the 8th. We're doing a few things different.
  I'm not here this Sunday, I'll be taking one of my monthly Sundays, so that will be good to worship at home next weekend and sit in the pew with my family.

  So, there's the newest. I'll write more, hopefully sooner than later.

Remodel.

We are in the midst of another remodel project. New windows in the living room and new exterior doors. The doors are done and three of the 5 new windows were in yesterday. We also took out a small wall, it makes our livingroom slightly bigger, at least better for furniture arrangement.
Today, I understand that the other two windows went in and now there will be new insulation, drywall and trimwork to do. I'm very excited. Our house has come together so much in the last year.
I think I feel like my life is in a remodel stage too. Just cleaning out the old, looking toward the new. I like remodel because I'm keeping me. I'm just making changes.
I think so often we think of a "makeover" as saying that we were no good and have to start from the beginning. But, I don't feel that way about myself. So, I'll do a remodel. I'm not talking a physical thing, although there are some goals I have there as well.
I'm talking about the things I hold onto-possessions, feelings, habbits.
   It seems like it is time to go through it all. Declutter my soul, my mind, my possessions.
I think it's time for rebirth and it seems to be starting here and now.

Catching up. Work and Family

    I am in my second week of work at the church now. So far, I am really enjoying myself. I am accomplishing some things I was never capable of in my last call. I have been leaving work at work and going home to my family and completely enjoying them.
   Now, my lack of ability in my first call was brought on by myself. I started as a single pastor. My entire life and social life really revolved around church and community and the two are very closely linked. Consequently, when I did get a life, fell in love, got married, started a family. I was unable to set the new boundaries needed. I was never able to leave something where it was. I worried and cried a lot.
   I served wonderful people, I loved them and still do. I also know that leaving gave me a chance to get mentally healthy again. I was able to devote time to my family that I hadn't been able to devote up until that point. I made the choice to care for myself and my family, and even my own faith was rejuvenated in the process. I meditated in a combine until December, I enjoyed pregnancy, I was able to help remodel our house (while pregnant, I rock!)
   As time continued, I realized that my calling to ministry was not over, but I didn't know where I would be called next or what my options were. After some coincidental phone calls, it seemed the spirit was putting things into place. I ended up here. I will be here 6-12 months. I am thankful. The people are wonderful. I'm getting the chance to explore some ministry opportunities that weren't possible in a rural two-point. I'm going to learn a lot here.
   One thing on a personal note I am learning...boundaries. I am learning how to leave work at work and spend the moment with my family.
    I am in a good place.

My First Day!

So, I was supposed to have my first day last week, but a lacerated cornea prevented that from happening. I think this means that Dustin shouldn't let me throw straw bales anymore, he disagrees. He is sure that I am the only person who could hurt themselves in this way doing that particular chore, so more straw bale throwing for me. But that is a story for another day.
I am getting ready to leave the church, but wanted to write now  because I wouldn't get time when I get home. I have had a whole day away from my baby and the computer is going to be the last thing on my mind.
I've had a tour, gotten my keys, gone to staff meeting, met with my colleague, picked hymns for Sunday, and rearranged my office. I would say it has been productive.
I am going to like it here.
I have made a list of additional things I need to bring. I'm not sure how much I will bring yet, but I definitely need to warm things up in the office. The office is huge, which is fun to have room to play with. I even was able to put my desk at an angle and it looks wonderful.
I am preaching my first sermon this Sunday. Well, first one here, you know what I mean. I'm very excited. It's been a month or two since I preached. I have to come up with my title by tomorrow morning. That's a bit crazy for me, but it'll happen. Having a secretary in the office with her own deadlines will keep me accountable, that's a great thing.
Well, I want to go home and see my family.
Thanks to everyone who has been praying for me. It worked!

Tomorrow...A big day.

I start my interim call this week. Thursday to be precise. I'm very excited to meet with the senior pastor tomorrow and set up schedule and so forth.
I'm very excited. I'm glad that I will be entering ministry again. I have missed it. At the same time, I have no regrets about staying home this last year. I think it was a good decision for me and my family. I have done a lot of growing and it has made a huge difference in my life.
But tomorrow. A new chapter.

Looking back at my baby

I was looking through a photo album yesterday and found the first pictures of Ian. Just a few hours old. I can't believe that on the 10th of October our little boy will be 6 months old.

So, since I'm feeling sentimental, you get to share in it too. I think every parent goes through this, the realization that the time goes way faster than you ever thought it could. Every milestone is an adventure, something new in his life, but also the loss of something else. Yet, that is what we want, to move forward and watch our children grow.

So, here's a walk down memory lane.

Mom and Beautiful Baby Boy Ian

Dad with Ian in the exam room minutes after he was born.

One perfect little foot, much bigger now.

The three of us.

Life is changing! Employment!

I have been offered a part-time, interim call as an associate pastor in a town close to where I live. I have said, "yes." (I make it sound like a marriage proposal) I have agreed to this interim position. I am very excited about it.
I have missed ministry quite a bit in the last months. Longer actually. I knew it was time to leave my last call, it was a great call with wonderful people, but i also felt prompted by the Spirit to follow a different direction in my life. I didn't know how long I would be on leave, I didn't know I would be going back so soon or at all at the time. I just new that my last call was coming to a natural end. I knew that my family needed me. I knew that I needed some space away from ministry. I've had that.
I have been thinking about the time since I left my last call. It is amazing how sometimes you don't know where something was going or what God's plans were until after when you reflect on them. Now it seems so clear, then I was scared...what would I do!
I was in the combine the day after my last Sunday or shortly thereafter. My family needed me for harvest and in more ways than just field work. I was driving a combine or graincart until December when it finally got so snowy and cold that we just couldn't do corn anymore, we decided to let it stand until spring. I'm so glad I was there for that...Dustin was called into the ambulance a lot in those months and I was able to keep things going at home. I'm proud of that accomplishment.
We finished remodeling our attic into a bedroom. This seemed like a fulltime job in itself. It turned out beautiful. We made a remarkable transformation to our house. I know it would not have gone as well if I hadn't of been home and part of the team.
I had a chance to really enjoy my pregnancy. I was able to relax. I know that might sound strange, but I had gotten unhealthy in my ways of dealing with work stress. Nothing harmful to myself in a physical way, I just bottled so much up, I didn't have boundaries between work and home, I was a mental mess and didn't know how to change it at the time.
I have been able to stay home with a wonderful boy for 5 months. I am so glad I did it. I think this is a gift that I will always be happy I had the chance to recieve. I know I might not get this chance with our next children, but for now, I got to do it with Ian.
I was able to deal with post partum depression in a way that has truly transformed my life. I have found so many wonderful tools for not just feeling better now, but for the rest of my life. I have a great team of people behind me that have held me up, lifted me up in prayer, and have helped me find balance again in my life. I don't know if I would have been able to go through all of this with such clarity if I was in a call, I would have taken on too many other people's stuff, and I needed to deal with mine. My life is by no means perfect, but it is mine and it feels brand new and glorious.
This time away has also helped me realize how important ministry is to me and for my life. I get so much from it. It fills my cup, even though it is an occupation that also empties it. I even realize that my faith life itself is wrapped up in it more than I knew. I had found ways to do ministry that weren't part of a professional call, but I also realized that I am called to be in a professional call of ministry. It is where my gifts are best utilized, something is missing in my life without it. I don't know if I would have been able to see that in the midst of where I was at in my last call, I was feeling like I wasn't making a difference any more.
This interim call is perfect for me right now. I will work three days a week and three Sunday's a month. Two of them preaching. I asked for no responsibility in church at least one Sunday a month so I can go to church with Dustin and Ian in our church. Dustin will stay at our church. He has a pastor he like and it isn't me, so it is a very healthy place for him.
I don't know how long this position will last, what the step will be after this position, but I just know that it is where I am being led now.
I will have a great colleague, I have known the lead pastor for some time and have a great deal of respect for him and he for me. I think we will have a great working relationship because of our personalities and he has been a mentor to me as I went through candidacy, but he has never treated me like a student or less than a professional. He is glad that he is getting an experienced pastor in the interim and I am glad that I will be able to take some of the burden and craziness of being the only pastor in a two pastor church off of his shoulders for a bit. I am really excited to see what it is like in a big church and to see what it is like to be part of a staff. I will get to deal with a congregation in a unique time in its history and ministry and I think that is sacred ground that I am honored to be invited into.
There are so many things that pointed me to this call. The Holy Spirit seemed to put all these pieces into place and when they were there we all looked at each other and said, so this is where I am supposed to be right now. It is amazing how seemingly unrelated phone calls can be the groundwork for something no one saw coming until it was there.
Life is changing and I am so excited to see what is next. I also like that I am open to seeing it unfold for now instead of trying to direct it. That is something I have not been able to do in quite a long time, just let go.
This doesn't just seem like a new part time ministry thing. I really think that I am being called to learn something here and I want to be open to whatever that may be.
I should be sleeping...And now I will...peacefully....Aaaahhhhh.

Pure Joy and Fun

This is Ian in his new exersaucer. He's been having so much fun discovering new things.




Ian and I went for a walk with Kari and her dog Roxy. Roxy and Ian got to ride. Those little legs got tired.




I like Peas!

Look everyone. I ate all of them.

It's been awhile since my very depressing post, but I was pretty depressed, so that can't be too surprising. I'm doing much better. I have been making great progress and feel that I am going in the right direction toward balance for the first time in about 18 months. I am getting to know myself again and being good to myself. It has helped.

Moving on from me. Yesterday, I made babyfood for the first time. From the above three picks, you can see that Ian has started food. Ian has been on solids for about a week. I guess rice cereal a bit before that. Anyway. I had some jars for the first few foods, but really have been wanting to make my own and freeze it.

Yesterday, I pureed peas for Ian. He had eaten the canned pea baby food for a couple days before that, but he really didn't like it. I thought he didn't like peas. Apparently, fresh peas, good. Canned babyfood peas. Bad.

He ate and ate. He loved them. It was so darn cute and so incredibly messy.

Here are a few adorable pictures of Ian and his peas.

Life is complicated

I am home for the day. I was home yesterday and got a lot done, I hope it continues, but today I struggle with motivation.
I have been struggling with motivation for a very long time.
I'm not really comfortable discussing my deepest personal feelings at this time.
I'll just tell everyone that I am doing fine and am getting the help I need. I have been dealing with the same struggles for awhile, it is now that I am seeing them more clearly in a way that I can deal with them.
I am very fortunate to have a supportive husband, a great son, who seems to make any cloud disappear with his smile, and a good friend who showed up at the right time. Now the good friend showed up because Dustin drove me to her office to see her and we set up some girl time, but whatever works.
I realize that I am starting an ongoing process of selfdiscovery. I'm a bit scared. Is everyone sometimes scared to learn the truth about themselves? About what is driving them? I'm a bit nervous to see the truth about my insecurities and face them. I have pretty easily buried them for a long time. I need to start being honest about my feelings and find better ways to express them.
I just know that I use to be a happy, confident woman and I wasn't afraid to take on the world. I feel that part of me slipping away. I have been living as a woman without hope.
As I threw up the desperate prayer Help me! There seemed to be a small voice that said, "it doesn't have to be this way, you can get the help you need, but you need to go forward."
It was like I woke up.
It has still been hard. I have been giving Dustin my list of what I have to do, I need someone to keep me accountable, even with little things. But, I feel that I am going in the right direction.
There is hope out there. Even a small pinpoint, but it is there.

Updates!

A lot has changed. The first specialist who said Dustin could put weight on the pelvis. He was apparently a quack. The new orthodedist said, absolutely not.
dustin will need surgery on the knee eventually. If he had it now he would be in a wheelchair.

good news. Farm Rescue will be doing 1000 acres of bean harvest for us. A neighbor of ours doesn't have any wheat, he is coming to help with ours. That will leave 350 acres of beans to get picked up on our own and I am pretty sure we can handle that on our own.

Prayers answered.

i am amazed lately at how calm I am becoming in the face of this. I know that we will be taken care of through this. I am usually a "this is easier said than done person," but this time. I know. I have been given an ounce of faith that I haven't noticed before and I am thankful.

Hopefully moving Dustin home this week. That will be wonderful.
later

Dustin's Accident

Tuesday, July 21.

Dustin was in an accident. He was rolled between the wheel of the oliver tractor and the pickup. The mower conditioner was on the Oliver. It was coming toward him, luckily it stopped.

I know I should start at the beginning.

Dustin was servicing the tractor and the mower/conditioner. He was trying to grease the last zirk and couldn't reach it. He decided to run the mower a bit and the zirk would rotate so he could grease it. He reached up and started the tractor from the ground. It was in gear. It started going. Dustin pushed away from the tractor to get out of way from the wheel. He didn't realize that the pickup was behind him and he got caught between the wheel and truck. It rolled him like you would roll a pencil between your hands.

He could have been killed, but fortunately the tractor stopped before the conditioner could run over him. His pelvis is fractured in three spots, but it is stable, so he can walk on it, painfully, but as much as he could stand. His left knee is really messed up.

His ACL and PCL are both ruptured and we'll find out how bad at his MRI tomorrow.

I'm so glad that he is alive, battered, but alive.

I don't know what I would have done.

I currently am taking care of two little boys. Ian and Dustin. I'll take 10 Ian. Ian doesn't have opinions yet. But, I'll take all of Dustin's opinions, at least he is here.

Thank you to everyone who had helped, offered to help and thanks to everyone who has prayed for us.

Peace.

I'm back! and I have to have my gallbladder out!

We have been back from MS for awhile now. It was a good time. I had fun. I sat by the pool at the hotel for two days with frozen drinks and a book. It was a lot of fun. Every night we ate a local seafood places, which was wonderful too.
We got to my mom and dad's last Friday. We recovered from travel on Saturday. Sunday, we went to church, ate lunch, and I had a gallbladder attack. I wasn't sure if that was what it was, but I was suspicious. This week I have had blood tests, ultrasound, pokes and prods. I then got an appointment for surgergy.
So, I am having my gallbladder out. The good news. I have caught this early enough, so it will be pretty easy.

Ian is now sleeping in his fullsize crib. He loves it. Apparently the new amount of room is a new sense of freedom for him. I'll post pictures soon. I have the crib bedding up, and it is too cute.

Later

Taranto's Boiler

This restaurant just blew us away tonight. Some of us went out looking for a restaurant someone recommended for seafood. We couldn't find it and by the time we figured out where it was going to be, it was getting late. Dustin randomly picked out this place from the GPS because he figured "boiler" meant it was going to be shrimp and crab in boiling water. He was right and it was incredible, the best shrimp ever!
It was all you can eat crawfish night. We didn't know about that, the waitress brought out some so we could try. I can now say that I sucked a crawfish head.
We also tried the local blue crab. She brought a few of those for us to try too.
Our table ate two lbs of boiled shrimp. Then Dustin had the snow crab, I had the dungenous crab.
All the food was amazing.
Dustin and I went off by ourself some this evening before we went for supper. That was fun.
I spent the entire day at the pool reading and having frozen drinks. I caught a nice little buzz, but don't worry folks, I wasn't a puddle. Just enjoying life.
We had appetizers in the afternoon. We being me and the other wives along for the ride.
We had a great day.
Well, I think I'm going to bed. I'm in a casino and going to bed at 11:30. I'm not a gambler, so the wonderful hotel and pool, food and friends and Dustin, that is really all I need for entertainment.
Peace.

Biloxi, MS

I am in Misssissippi people. Without Ian! I think I should be given an award for leaving my baby at 3 months with my mom and dad. It was tough, but I did it and so far, I am fine. I think it was maybe even good for me.
Dustin is at a conference, I am going to hang out with the two other wives that are on this trip. This is a disaster preparedness thing. I think we are hanging out at the pool this morning and then going shopping this afternoon. I'll meet Dustin for lunch in between.
I read a devotion this morning. It was a little thought on faith is all you really can be sure you have. I'm really paraphrasing here. I can't wait until Dustin reads it, it seems like this devotion is words we needed to hear.
"Continue to have faith and do what you know is right. Some people have rejected this and their faith has been shipwrecked." 1 timothy 1:19
We have been really trying to do the right thing lately. For our family, our entire family, and the future.
We know we are making the right decisions and going in the direction we should. There just seems to be so many other commitments that others want to pull us toward. Some of them are good things, but it takes us away from the things we know are important.
More updates from MS later.

Identity.

I have been struggling with identity lately. Mine. I preached two times this week. A Sunday service and a Wednesday night one. It was fun. I enjoyed putting a sermon together. I preach again this Sunday at our church. Our pastor is out of town. I will also preside over communion, something I have not done in a very long time.
I have really enjoyed this.
I was at one of my old congregations for a celebration anniversary service a couple weeks ago. On the way home, Dustin asked me how I felt about it. If I had made a mistake, had regrets?
I was almost relieved to say, I left when I was supposed to. I loved the people, still do. It was great to see them. But, my call there was done. I knew it in my guts, but was unsure how to express that then. I was doing the right thing.
Now, I wonder if there is another ministry adventure out there for me.
I really don't completely know who I am right now. Pastor. that doesn't seem quite right, fully, I'm not in a call. But that is really what I see as what I do, but I don't "do" that anymore, so what is next.
Farmer/farm wife. I do the stuff, but I don't think I have ever fit the role, I don't know if I ever will completely. In some ways, I see it clearly, I can combine, dig, etc. etc. I have helped pull calves.
Mom. I feel good about this. I'm amazed at this job. I also see that I don't quite know what else to do. I feel like some of my time and talents aren't being used. I'm trapped between my old career and my new life. I love it, but I also am left asking questions of what else is there. I also know that I have a huge gift given to me staying home with Ian. I read to him. I am teaching him his prayers. I can't help but think that what I do now will effect his learning and life later.
I realize I also putting a lot of my identity in what I do. I wish I new other ways of measuring myself.
I am who I am, but I don't quite know who that is anymore.
hmmmmmmmm

bath time!

Ian is getting more and more personality all the time. He smiles and "talks" to us. Lots of fun noises and coos and yells when he is excited. This has come abundantly clear at bath time. He kicks his feet in the baby tub and my favorite time is right after his bath. We get to cuddle while he is in his bath towel. He is so adorable. I can't believe this delightful little boy was not in my life three months ago. He has changed everything and while being a parent is the hardest thing in the world sometimes. Moments like these, I know are what will make it all worth it. I know we haven't even gotten to the hard parts yet, but I will tresure this time. He is amazing.

Ian, I love you.

Mom,

Snuggle time with Mom.

Aren't I adorable. I'm working it. Mom can't resist me.

Wow. Another Post in the Month of June and Ian's baptism

I have so much to catch everyone up on, but alas, I don't know where to start.


We have everything planted. Corn still not harvested and if it doesn't quit raining it won't be for awhile yet. Obviously, if it is way to wet to harvest it was way to wet to plant.


Ian was baptized. There will be a picture below, it was a wonderful day.


There was a shower for Ian at our church in Montpelier. It was a fun evening.


Gracie found an abandoned kitten in front of the barn and alerted Dustin. She is so tiny, eyes open, but other than that, she only could be a few weeks old. She can't figure out how to drink, so I am bottle feeding her. I was all excited that Ian was sleeping through the night. The kitten, isn't.


I'm going through updated pictures to send for grandma bragbooks and the baptism pics for one of Ian's Godmothers.


I'm trying to see the kitchen table before dark and the bedroom floor by midnight.


It's been rainy off and on today, so I can't go out to my garden.


Oh, we got the miniture garden in. I still have to plant the beans and peas. I'm apparently out of seed for those.


So, there's the quick version. I know. More would be more interesting, this is what you get.

Sorry to be so long.

Life has really gone by fast and blogging has taken a back seat. Hopefully in the next couple days I will get Ian's new pictures posted. They will not disappoint, I assure you. He's grown up so much.
I have a laundry list of stuff to accomplish this week before the weekend. It is Ian's baptism on Sunday, so many people are coming and there are many plans to accomplish. I'm waiting for Ian to fall asleep, so I can get a few things done around the house. I need to get the monitor warmed up.
So, things to do today.
Mop basement with bleach water. Our sump pump plug came loose, so the sump pump stopped working and we found 1 and a half inches of water in our basement. I have been pulling things up for the trash and picking things off the floor, but we are headed to that musty smell and the only way to get rid of it will be the bleach water bath. I hope it works.
I have to clean out the room that we have the office in right now. It will be Ian's room eventually, when he gets older.
I have phone calls to make. Our bedroom and laundry to get done.
It will be a busy week.
It will also be a good one.
Ready, Steady, Go...

Ian's First Tractor Ride and A First for me too!

I brought Ian in the tractor today. His carseat fit perfect! This included a first for me as well. I learned how to run the digger. I dug a field behind our house. I made a full three rounds before the rain drove us out.
Then, we had to wait until the rain lightened up and Dustin could come rescue us. I couldn't get Ian out by myself with the rain pouring like it was.
More fun. My cousin LeAnn came down with her family. They came down to visit Sean and then all of them came to meet Ian.
Dustin and I had a pretty heavy discussion through most of the rest of the afternoon and early evening. I think we got what we needed to work through, worked through. I feel better, I think he does too.
Nels and Harriet came over for supper. It was nice.
Now. Dustin and I cuddled on the couch. Ian is sleeping. It's good. Very Good. I'm glad the day ended the way it did.

I love the sound of music! timeless

I got this link from Saramoe and enjoyed it immensely. I watched it twice. As a child I loved "The Sound of Music" and I still do.
This is just fun!

Today. My baby boy ian is six weeks old. Pictures later.

Farm Pictures for Colin

Moo Cow Moo. A Poem from Dustin's Childhood

MOO COW MOO
Edmund Vance Cooke

My papa held me up to the Moo Cow Moo

So close I could almost touch,

And I fed him a couple of times or so,

And I wasn't a fraid-cat, much.

But if my papa goes in the house,

And my mamma she goes in too,

I keep still like a little mouse

For the Moo Cow Moo might Moo.

The Moo Cow's tail is a piece of rope

All raveled out where it grows;

And it's just like feeling a piece of soap

All over the Moo Cow's nose.

And the Moo Cow Moo has lots of fun

Just switching his tail about,

But if he opens his mouth,why then I run,

For that's where the Moo comes out.

The Moo Cow Moo has deers on his head,

And his eyes stick out of their place,

And the nose of the Moo Cow Moo is spread

All over the Moo Cow's face.

And his feet are nothing but fingernails,

And his mamma don't keep them cut,

And he gives folks milk in water pails,

When he don't keep his handles shut.

But if you or I pull his handles,

why The Moo Cow Moo says it hurts,

But the hired man sits down close by

And squirts, and squirts, and squirts.

Thank you's on a cold day.

I am trying to get baby gift thank you's written today. It's freezing outside, so much different than it was the other day. I was hoping to have another day like yesterday so i could take Ian outside and enjoy some fresh air. Toooo cold.
I think I want to do some baking later. I made fabulous rhubarb bars for church on Sunday and there were hardly any left. So, I think I should make another batch. They really were incredible. I will use what is left of my frozen rhubarb and I should have enough fresh to finish them.
I might not get those done if I take my nap. I love my nap.
Here's to another good day.

1 month, 5 weeks

I didnt' have my cord to download my camera, so it took awhile to get these posted.
There are Ian at 1 month and 5 weeks.
His overalls are a bit bit yet, but Ian has already grown out of a few things. I'm hoping to get the last picture of him in his "Daddy's Champ" sleeper. His starting to stretch out of it, but I need to get one last look at him in it. It was my favorite of his newborn clothes. He has grown out of his newborn clothes completely now, except for one shirt that appears to run big.
He has also now grown into size one diapers.

One Month Old

Five Weeks

Don't I look like a grown-up in my striped shirt? I'm getting to be such a big boy!

Me and my daddy.

All this growing is hard work. I need a break.

So, here are the updated pics. Gotta love this sweet baby boy!

Plan of attack.

The postpartum really has been hard to deal with because I tried to get help, but didnt' really get the help I wanted. Hmmmm.
I went to the OB because I had to check on some healing issues anyway. I told him about my postpartum. Now, I had a friend that also went through this and he was her doctor. He was absolutely wonderful.
Not so much with me. He said that I needed sleep. That is true. But, he prescribed me a sleeping pill and said, Dustin would have to be in charge of the baby for the night, I was to sleep.
Now, I don't mind Dustin taking care of the baby, he does that, but I am a little bothered about taking a heavy duty sleeping pill. Dustin was even surprised it was such a strong one. I'm not comfortable with it. When I was at the doctor, I just didn't really have it in me to question, not until after. I have no idea how hard this thing is going to hit me and for how long I'll be groggy.
With my history of depression, I wanted to go from my maintenance dose of my antidepressant and go back to my full dose. It has worked really well for me in the past.
So, Dustin and I have been taking turns with Ian, which wasn't a huge change. He'll take him the whole night if I need the extra sleep and ask. I have not taken the pill yet, I am too uncomfortable.
Getting out of the house yesterday was also a big help. Even with Ian with, just getting out was wonderful. So, at least once a week, I am going to town or to a friends, just to not look at the same walls anymore.
I also am making an appointment with my primary care physician. She would have been my doctor during my pregnancy if the hospital in Valley City hadn't stopped delivery. I feel like she knows me and my history better. I have to get my 6 week after check up, so I think I will go to her for it.
I feel like I have made some progress in figuring things out. dustin is supportive of whatever I want and need to do.
I'll get more sleep until the end of next week when I have my appointment with her.
I'll just feel better talking to my primary doctor.
Dustin is also getting me the best therapy he can buy for me. A cut, color and pedicure and it will be Ian free. I can't wait.
A better mommy is on the way.

Post Partum Depression

I have been struggling with postpartum depression. I have struggled with depression for years, so we actually saw this coming while I was pregnant. I went to the doctor today. He wants me first to get sleep. Now, I just need to figure out how I'm going to get it?

It's raining, it's pouring!

It was a beautiful start to the day.
Got up early. Ran to town. I bought a bunch of groceries, then I came home.
My cousin Sean came out today, he's starting to work for us today, part time for the summer. Dustin got called to run a transfer, so Sean worked on the blockage monitor for the air seeder. I have been doing little stuff, nothing incredible, other than a nice sit down with Ian, just rocking my sleeping little angel. It was great.
It started to pour rain in the afternoon, so Sean took off.
I made pork chops on the grill for the two of us. I put some beef short ribs in the crock pot for tonight that Dustin and I will have. I have to cut up carrots for dinner yet.
Dustin is on his way home, but I won't get those on until he gets home.
I did some bill paying that needed to be done. Played on the internet. Did some laundry.
So, rainy day, but I really enjoyed it.
Can't find my cord to download the 1 month picture, so, I'll try tomorrow.
Later

Ian is 1 month old and It's Mother's Day (Did I mention, Dustin forgot)

I am having a hard time today. Dustin forgot my first Mother's Day. I'm getting better, but I am still heart broken. I have been talking about how this was going to be my first Mother's Day for weeks. I had him look at the cards for our own moms. I talked about his first Father's day coming.
He forgot.
He worked over night last night and got to sleep all night. Of that I am extremely jealous. He may have gotten a get out of jail free card if he had been running calls all night.
He got home. Nothing said. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Handed him Ian to feed and went to take my shower. I got back upstairs. I assumed that he would change and get Ian ready for church while I was in the shower. I was wrong, so I had to get both Ian and I ready for church. As I was getting Ian dressed, I just broke down. He asked me what was wrong, to which I responed. "Do not tell me you forgot what day it was?"
By then, it was too late and no way of fixing it. He wanted to, but I didn't want a gift, I just wanted a "Happy Mother's Day." To be remembered. I was forgotten. He would have gone anywhere for dinner, done anything. But then, it would have been him trying to make up for forgetting Mother's Day. It can't.
I'm hurt...I've forgiven him. I've tried to stop punishing him with snide comments... But really. I'm heartbroken and it will take me a long time to get past it. And really. It is one of those things I will never forget. Because I feel like I was completely forgotten.
It's my first Mother's Day. Everyone remembered, except the person I needed to remember most.
On the brighter side of the day. Because really, I needed a bright side.
Ian is one month old today. I will post the picture as soon as I get it. Everyone needs to see my adorable boy.

Week Three!

Today Ian is 3 weeks old! I can't believe it. Our little guy has changed so much already.
The top picture is the day we brought Ian home. He was 3 days old on Easter Sunday.
The bottom picture is Ian's 3 week picture. He's bigger and his eyes are brighter. The outfit he's wearing in the first picture is starting to fit him better.
Today, I opened a savings account for Ian. We have gotten several cash gifts, so I put those in the bank for him today. It was quite fun. Mostly because our friend Sue works at the bank and set the account up for him, so we had a great visit.

The last three weeks have been filled with so many firsts and I have learned so much in the last weeks. It's ab

1. I can do a lot on very little sleep.
2. I can feed Ian in the middle of the night or change a diaper and go back to bed and fall to sleep in seconds.
3. Ian fascinates me and gives me incredible joy every day and I can't believe that one little person can fill me with such wonder and thankfulness.
4. I have a renewed sense of faith in the God of life who created adn redeemed me.

I knew everything would change when Ian was born. It has and that wasn't a surprise. I just didn't think it was possible to be so happy about just watching a baby sleep. I didn't realize that I would be okay with my life being completely turned upside down. I don't get anything done any more, but what I do in a day is complete joy.

I cant' even begin to imagine what the next three weeks will bring. What will three years look like? I have no idea and I truthfully don't want to think about it, I just want to enjoy the here and now. It's to amazing not to enjoy.

Ian, I love you. You are absolutely amazing and I can't wait to see how much you change and grow.

2 Week Check Up

Ian had his two week checkup yesterday. He is doing really well. he is back up to his original birth weight, plus 1/4 of an ounce. He has grown from 20.5 inches long to 20.75 inches. and his head is also bigger. So, good news. Ian is growing and he's healthy.

A Letter to Ian

Dear Ian,
Tomorrow you are two weeks old. I have looked at pictures from your first day and I am amazed that you have grown and changed already. I never would have believed our lives would change in such a crazy and wonderful way. We've gotten a lot less sleep. It takes us a lot longer to get out of the door when we need to be somewhere. We sleep in because sometimes it might be the only time you are sleeping, so we take advantage. There's been a lot of diapers to change, laundry to do, bottles to wash. I was disappointed that I was not able to breast feed you like I wanted to, I just don't have enough milk, but the 1-2 times a day that I do get to breast feed you, I really enjoy. You are so much calmer. I'm glad that you are gaining weight now, now that we know that you need the formula to get enough calories. That first week when you had your days and nights completely messed up. It was hard to get no sleep at all at night. I'm glad I was given a chance during the day when you decided you had to sleep. It was a rough week, now we seem to be settling in, it's not a breeze, but we are doing pretty well now.
The 17 hours of labor, they are all but forgotten. I would do all of it again to have you in our lives. You are absolutely the most amazing boy and you don't even do anything yet. It amazes me that God loves us enough to let us be part of his creating in this world. I now understand why God said after people were created, "And it was very good," because that is what you are. Very good. A beautiful creation and I feel so blessed to have made you.
I can watch you for hours. There are a couple days where I haven't gotten anything done, I was too busy watching you. Thank you for being a part of our lives. You are incredible.

Pictures of Ian James Lien

Ian James Lien
27 hours old, fed and very content






















Our first family portrait.
We are very tired and very happy.















Mommy and Baby. Now, I'm not sure why I would consent to pictures being taken or why I would publish them on the internet, but I do know that I would regret not taking the pictures more. I don't think I have ever looked happier or more tired and I know it was all worth it.
I also know that I am amazed at what I was able to do.







I never thought of Dustin as a "baby" person before.
To see Dustin and our son is a pure gift. He is a baby person, he just needed the right baby.

Daddy is very excited that tomorrow Ian and I get to come home and our family will be together.

WELCOME IAN JAMES LIEN

If you follow facebook, you have read this narrative. Why reinvent the wheel?
The waiting is over!! Yesterday we welcomed Ian James Lien into the world at 5:07 p.m. He wieghed 7.5 lbs. 20.4 inches long and is absolutely perfect, even if he was awfully hard on his momma coming into the world.

My water broke Thursday night at about 10:PM. I was brought to the hospital so I could be started on IV antibiotics for group B strep and since my cervix was thin, but I wasn't dilated or having contractions, I was put on petocin (sp?). Now, we didn't think it would kick in until the next morning, so we'd get some sleep. Wrong. I started having contractions a half hour later at about 12:30. By 1:00 they were coming every 2 minutes. The adjusted the petocin, the best if got was 2 and a half minutes. By 2:00 we got the IV med. Nubane was administered at 2:30. It was great for the next 3 hours. We thought I was going to do pretty good. The contractions started to get worse and I'm still not dilated. The second dose of Nubane was called for at about 6. It did absolutely nothing! Nothing! Contractions were coming every 1.5 minutes and they were very hard. I wasn't dilated at all and we had to call for the epidural.

At 7:30 the RNA showed up to give me the epidural. I am very lucky. I know the whole story now, it is good I didn't know then. You get three tries for an epidural. I was having contractions every. 1.5 minues. So, he had to stop so I could have them, I had to have contractions while in position and not move the stuff in my back. He missed the first two tries. My vertebra are apparently very tight. First time he bent the needle. Second time he couldn't get through the three vertebrae, just two, so he had to take it out and try again. Third time he made it. The good news. It as the perfect epidural. I could move my legs. I could feel the pressure of the contractions, the only thing I could not feel was the pain of the contractions. He did a marvelous job. If it were not for the epidural, the C-Section would have had to happen because I wouldn't have been able to make it through. I barely made it anyway.

My OB left on vaction the day before (that was how we knew I was going to have the baby this week! (heehee) So, another doctor had to be dispatched. She came in and said point blank the she was pretty sure I had ruptured prematurly and that we'd do the best to get me dilated and let me have a vaginal birth, but most likely we were having a C-section and she had made arrangements.

Our fabulous nurse Theresa (this woman was one of many of God's gifts to me), Dustin and I decided that we were going to prove her wrong. We almost didn't. By 1:00 I was dilated to 9 centimeters. We just hand one to go and some cevix. We thought we were home free. Our friend Kris came, she was my back up coach if Dustin couldn't be here. We asked her to come and Dustin and I needed her, the extra help and encouragment was what we needed. Thank you By 2:30 or so I was ready to push. I pushed and I pushed. I pushed with all my might for 2 hours. We were so close, just not close enough. The doctor was thinking it was time for a c-section because I had been working so hard. It took a lot to get his head around the corner and I was running out of steam.

Because Ian was not in distress, she said she would let me keep trying if I wanted to. I said I was going to do it. Another half hour of pushing. I was making progress, I had been the whole time, just never enough. We got the vacuum out and she said she would give it 3 tries and then we were probably going to have to call the surgeon. The first try with the vacuum did a lot. The second set of contractions with the vaccuum did even more, but the suction came off during my second round of pushing, I thought the doctor was going to fly across the room when it went. The good news, it went so well that she let me keep trying. I did not have a lot of strength left, so our last effort was an episiotomy. I figured I had 6 pushes left in me. That was two sets of contractions, three pushes each. On the first set of three. I delivered Ian. Dustin, Kris, Theresa, Dr. Hoggarth and I willed that baby out as much as I pushed, I have no idea how our Good Creator was able to give me that last bit of energy to get him into the world, but I am so thankful that it was there, because I know it wasn't my energy, I had to borrow it from somewhere.

Also, leave it to a Lutheran Pastor to have her baby on Good Friday (the day of the crucifixion) I guess Good Friday has extra meaning for me today, it is a day of life all around. Possible, potential and real. My own Death and Ressurection day rolled into one.

So, I did it! We have a beautiful baby boy. He is so healthy and precious and perfect. We are very proud. I have to say, if it wasn't for feeding, which only I can do, his father wouldn't have given him up at all. Dustin and our family were the main ones to hold him yesterday. As exhausted as I was, it was probaby okay. At 3:AM this morning, Ian and I had a good hour and a half of mama/son time with feeding and me not willing to let him go back to the nursery yet. I sent Dustin home last night to get some sleep too, everyone needed it! He'll be back this morning some time. I think everyone is just leaving me alone for awhile to rest.

I will post pictures as soon as Dustin comes back with the camera. He took it with him to show it off to the staff in ER on his way home last night.

So, there's my week in a nutshell. No more waiting! And all the pain and craziness. Totally worth it!

Update from the doctor!

So, Good news. I do not have preeclampsia. My urine test came back and there was no protein. On the other side of things. I do have pregnancy induced high blood pressure. My bp was pretty high at the doctor's appointment. I am on a low dose of blood pressure medicine and it is working well. We will induce Friday the 17th.
I have to take it easy still, but I'm not quite as limited as I was going to be. I had a very good nonstress test. It took less than 5 minutes. That is how active Ian was. Good boy.
I also had a bio physical profile with the radiologist. That looked really good as well. Circulation to the placenta is good. I have more than adequate amniotic fluid. Development is on track and we got two great ultrasound pics, I'll post them after Dustin gets home, they are in the pickup. He wanted to show them off at work.
We have a great side profile of the face and we also have a great picture of his foot.
So, there is the baby update and assuming that I don't go into labor, we will have a baby on the 17th. YAY!

Wow! Look at how many times I can post in a day?

I finished a knitted baby blanket today. It's yellow. I have another blanket to finish, one I started forever ago. I ended up hating the yarn. Not the color, but working with it. It's feels great worked up, but there is no give, so I don't enjoy working with it. but, I don't have much left, so I am going to finish the blanket. I have the time.
The puppies are both sleeping. Thank goodness. They have been pretty good today. One Gracie accident, but she caught herself by the door and whined, so she is getting there.
I haven't packed my bag for the hospital yet. I would like to get the toiletries together, at least. I just haven't been in the basement to get the bag.
I found a list of what to pack for the hospital. Ummm. How long do they think you are going to be staying. I know there is a worse case scenario, but wow, some people really pack a lot of stuff. I cut the list down to what I thought I needed. I'm pretty sure that I'm overpacking. Hmmm. Still, I wouldn't know what to cut out. I'm glad that I found the list, there are some things I never would have thought of and they made sense. so, hopefully I can get a few things packed tonight. I've got the stuff. Here's the late afternoon update.

Update! Two weeks to go!

I am enjoying the afternoon. I was going to slowly deal with the shelves in the pantry. One shelf at a time for 20 minutes at a time. But, my fingers are a bit swollen, which means my blood pressure is up a bit. So, I think I'll just sit and knit some more. Maybe this rest thing isn't so bad. Hmmmm.
I will get a blanket done today, I think.
My neighbor called and we had a nice visit.
Ian is moving around quite a bit today. Mostly, he's been dropping. I have had a bit of trouble walking, it is very uncomfortable.
i had some contractions on Saturday, but they stopped after I got to sit down for awhile. I haven't had any since.
My parents are coming on Thursday, so I am going to get some freezer recipes together and have my mom make them for me while she is here. I don't think she will mind. She's usually looking for something to do. They are coming to help get the house ready for the baby. We have lots of cleaning to do and it will be too much for Dustin to do it all by himself. It might be okay for me to do a little more after tomorrow's appointment.
I think I'll get back to knitting. Go Go Garter blanket.

two weeks to go!

Hi all,
Sorry for the late post last time. I wrote it, but couldn't get it to post and then we had internet issues over the weekend. So, you got it late.

I am doing much better. I am getting over the guilt of sitting around. I know it is what is best for the baby, so that helps. I was just in full nesting mode when the doc told me to put the brakes on, so that made it tough.

I go in tomorrow to get an update on the preeclampsia. My bp's have been really good since I have started taking it easy. So, I feel good.

Dustin went in to work today. He'll be home tonight, so that's nice. He originally had to be gone until tomorrow morning.

The only thing I want to get done today is get my bag packed for the hospital. It seems like something that should get accomplished pretty soon. Just in case.

My doc is out of town from the 9th-15th. So, it needs to be really soon...or after awhile. We'll see how tomorrow's appointment goes.

Have a good day.

Bed Rest! Really? Ugh!

So, my OB appointment didn't go according to plan on Friday.
My appointment was at 9:AM and Dustin had to work, but would meet me if he could. I called on my way into town. He had just gotten to the ED (emergency department) and was doing a report when I called, so I said, no problem. Most of the time. I wait for 30-45 minutes to see the doctor for 5 minutes. I get weighed, measured. blah, blah. blah.
Things did not happen this way, this time. go figure.
My blood pressure was up a bit the week before, but the urine tested clean for protein, so they just watched it.
This time. My blood pressure was up again. A bit higher and the urine test showed protein...So, I am borderline for preeclampsia. So, plans changed. I had blood draws. I was then sent to the hospital labor and delivery ward for a nonstress test and given instruction to get my feet up and relax.
So, stresstest went great. I sang at a wedding on Saturday. My bp was up a bit after that and that made Sunday morning tough.
since I have been relaxing on the couch and not doing too much, my bp has stayed really good. So, tomorrow we'll find out how it is going.
Until then. You will get knitting and TV updates.

I've been better for awhile. Sorry, internet was down!

When the blizzard hit, my internet wasn't working. Dustin got home the morning after my last depressing post and was home until today.
He went into town today and will get some work stuff caught up, get a haircut and fill my grocery list. I am home cleaning up the demolition.
We started another phase of remodeling. Taking out part of a wall in the kitchen. It is looking good, but we need to do a bit of clutter control.
Right now, I am taking a break from putting away laundry.
We got about 16 inches of snow. So, it seems we have started all over again waiting for spring.
Jamestown started sandbagging today. The crest should be in about two weeks. It looks like it may set records. It isn't a good spring as far as all the water goes.
Our township has roads washed out, so, it is getting difficult to get to my inlaws house. I haven't gone there in awhile. I didn't go when Dustin went yesterday. As soon as calving starts it is going to be a muddy mess. I won't be helping with calving this year. The chances of getting kicked are too high. After the baby is born. Well, someone has to be with the baby.
So, there's teh update of the day.

Feeling sorry for myself! And other stuff.

So, I was ready for bed at about 9:30, but I was trying to stay up a bit later so I wouldn't screw my sleep up. Now, 11:00 and I'm nowhere near ready to sleep. I'm having a little pity party, so now you are invited.
The day really was great until the end. It amazes me how a day can be completely wonderful and then go down hill in a matter of hours.
This morning, I skipped church and instead went to town to meet up with Dustin for breakfast. I figured God would understand my desire to spend time with my husband since we don't know when he gets to come home. He is supposed to get to come home tomorrow, but with the blizzard coming, he easily could get stuck in town. That is actually why I am feeling sorry for myself, but I'll get there.
I had breakfast with Dustin at the Depot, yummy. We went for a drive. He had a meeting at noon. I stayed at the shop because I had to wait until wal-mart opened. I keep figuring out stuff that will make organizing our house and new bedroom easier, it's been fun, but I'm spending way too much money. Still fun.
After Dustin's meeting, I met up with him and a couple of his coworkers for lunch.
After lunch, I wandered wal-mart. I found some bamboo drawer organizers that I'm going to love. A new lamp for next to the bed, because I found out last night that the one I was going to use isn't bright enough. The new one is perfect. I got new down alternative pillows for the bed, some of ours are shot. I also found a great sheer lip gloss/conditioner (it's moisturizing and pretty all at the same time) and a great sheer nail polish (It's a very natural pink, but makes my fingers look better and I know it will be better for my nails.)
Got home. Got good news on the mom front, which I am thankful for. Mom is fine. The angiogram showed no blockage whatsoever. They don't know what caused the chest pain, but her heart is fine. She is now at home and I know very thankful to be there.
I spent most of the day on the couch or in the recliner. I was feeling very blah. Ian has been sticking his foot underneath my ribs all day and it has made me very uncomfortable. I can make him move them, but then two minutes later he decides that's where they belong. I've had a headache. blah blah blah. So I have watched a lot of TV and napped. I just lacked motivation and I don't feel bad about it one bit. I did fix a door and changed shower curtains in the bathroom. Good enough as far at progress goes.
What really got me was the end of the day. I realized at about 10:30 that I should check the corn hopper for the funace. That's when I realized. I have enough until tomorrow, but if the blizzard hits as big as they think it will, it will be very difficult for me to get more.
So, I had to start the toyota and haul corn. That is when I started to have my pity party.
I know what Dustin does is important. I know that it helps people and he is needed. But tonight. I just wanted to have him here taking care of me. Here I am, 8 months pregnant, hauling corn and knowing a blizzard is coming and I'm alone. I just want to cry.
I know dustin knows this feeling. There were times in parish life where I would be gone a lot and home late every night an he eventually would just say, "is it my turn yet?" Well, that's how I feel. When is it my turn? I know that he is doing what is right. I know that I can take care of myself. I just don't want to right now.
So, I know I am completely feeling sorry for myself, but sometimes, you just can't help it.
There is a blizzard on the way. I-94 is already closed from Mandan west to the Montana border. The snow should be getting here in the next hour or so. We are in the predicted area to get 6-10 inches. That's another reason I am feeling bad. Dustin was going to get to come home in the morning, now, I don't think he'll be able to get here. I'll be fine, but lonely. So, maybe the pity party will continue, maybe it won't. Time will tell. Now, I know that if I need help, my in-laws are close and some neighbors are even closer if I would need them, but I want Dustin home. I'll be fine, I just wish I was better.
Well, I think I should go to bed. If I get a good night sleep, things will look better in the morning, they usually do with daylight. even if it is snowing, cold and windy daylight.